


Passing Through

by JFaust



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:05:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JFaust/pseuds/JFaust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had wondered what she would do if she saw him again, but she never thought it would've been in this decade, if ever for that matter WinryXEd RoseXEd WinryXAl</p><p>This story can be read as a one shot or a multi-chapter story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Le_Confidant (Noire)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noire/gifts).



As she watched his back depart down the road, and disappear from her sight she felt her warm silent tears slip down her cheeks grazing her lips as they fell. So this is what it feels like to have someone break you. Dropping to the soft grass below her, her tears turned to soul shaking sobs. She grasped where her heart was and wondered if it would stop pumping, for without him she felt like there was no point.

Growing up she had always imagined that someday Ed would finish his journey and return to her, and someday reciprocate the feelings she had tucked away for the day she could share them with him. When Al and him had arrived after The Promised Day she truly believed that she couldn't be happier. Spending time with her while she worked, taking walks into town and even sharing their first kiss, she was sure in time this man would always be hers.

One night every dream and desire culminated in the completion of their bodies entwining. Their passion was hot, untamed and utterly fascinating. He watched with amber lust hazed eyes, every twitch and tremble of her body and she learned every groove and caress his glorious golden body had to offer. He had stretched his firm body across hers and made her whole, slipping between her thighs and burying himself inside her. Ed and her grinded with a rhythm she'd never known and would never forget, the music being their muffled moans and stifled cries. Floating on a wave of total satisfaction, she drifted to sleep in the arms of the only man she'd ever loved.

Upon waking, she rolled over and reached her arm towards the other side of the bed expecting to meet the resistance of his warm body but only felt cool sheets. Gingerly raising herself from the bed she noticed that his clothes were also gone. Glancing to her bedside table she saw a note addressed to her in Ed's careless scrawl.

WINRY,

I HAD TO LEAVE, I COULDN'T SEE YOUR FACE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS.  
I WANTED TO STAY BUT I KNOW IF I STAY NOW, YOU WILL EXPECT ME TO STAY FOR GOOD AND I'M JUST NOT READY. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE 'HIM' SO I'M ASKING YOU NOT TO WAIT FOR ME. LIVE YOUR LIFE, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WHEN I'VE RESEARCHED EVERYTHING I NEED TO I WILL COME BACK, BUT I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES OF WHEN BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BREAK THEM. I CARE FOR YOU AND LAST NIGHT WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT I JUST CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO.

ED

Her shaking hands flipped over the paper, as if expecting their to be some secret message for her on the opposite side that negated everything on the front. Rising to her feet, she put the note in her bedside table drawer and decided not to freak out yet. More than likely Ed was just scared by the level of intimacy they had shared and couldn't come to terms with such a huge change in their relationship yet. That was fine, she could handle that. She would give him time to clear his head, do his research and realize what an IDIOT he was being.

This mindset lasted around a year. No one had heard from him, not even Al who had dutifully stayed by her side and took care of her on days that her facade crumbled and she fell apart. However even his plans were turning to those of leaving as well. Why couldn't anyone just stay put for a little while! She understood what Alphonse wanted to do and was even proud of it, but the idea of staying here alone again tore her apart. But she couldn't dwell on that, any day now Ed would coming back to sheepishly apologize, and the world would be set right.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After Al had arrived in Xing, he had finally reached a phone to let Winry know he had made it there and that everything was fine. He had begun talking about Ed and said he had something important to tell her before she heard from someone else, but at the same time she saw a man walking down the road. Quickly slamming the phone down, she rushed out the door to greet the Alchemy Freak she had missed so dearly. Jumping into his arms, she realized he wasn't returning the embrace. Stepping backwards she looked into his eyes to scry the intent behind his lack of reaction.

He wasn't here to claim her. He was here to tell her he had already been claimed. She felt like someone had punched her in the throat, she wasn't even able to speak. How could this be happening? She had been the one to put him back on his feet, she had been the one to continually put him back together! Why had he kissed her, touched her, slept with her!? Tears rushed down her face, she turned her shining blue eyes up to him and only allowed herself one word.

"Who?" A blood red blush covered his face instantly. Clearly he had not wanted to share this.

"Rose, a woman I met in Liore when Al and I went and exposed a fake to the people who lived there." His tone while relaying this was one of 'I truly don't want to be talking about this to you.' She instantly hated this faceless woman who was ruining her life. "I came to tell you that I'm sorry about everything, and while I love you and always will...I have to be with her, she needs me. We are getting married soon, and I didn't want you to find out from anyone else you deserve more than that." A deafening crack sounded in the air, Winry pulled back her hand to make sure she had in fact been the one to slap him. She hadn't even realized she'd done it. Shock must've been sitting on her face because he began speaking again. "It's okay, Win I deserve it and more."

"Don't call me Win, you are never allowed to call me that again. I don't understand you Edward, you just said you loved me and always will, you've kissed me, you've been the only man I have ever been intimate with and for all of that you are marrying some random girl! You say she needs you? No, I NEED you Ed! You are all that I ever wanted, I waited on you for years while you left me to do what you needed and now you are leaving again! Worst of all to be with some other woman! Instead of feeding me bullshit about loving me and how she needs you, how about you just say it? Tell me you love her and that you don't love me. That's all I want, some honesty from you." Winry was a breath away from his face. A fly away piece of his long hair tickled the side of her wet cheek getting caught there. To anyone passing by, they were close enough to be nearly kissing.

"I can't."

"Why not Ed!? If you love her, fine marry her. If you love me at all then don't do this. Give us a chance." Laying her palm flat across his heart, she looked up at him begging him to choose her and give them a real chance.

"I can't no matter what I may think or feel, she is pregnant Winry. I can't -" Cutting him off by placing her index and middle finger over his lips, she closed her eyes and let more crystalline tears roll down her face. Letting her hand fall she replaced her fingers with her own lips, pressing once lightly then stepping away. The worse part was watching him actually reach out for her and having step away from him. To be certain if she let him touch her, she wouldn't stop and then they would both be sorry later.

"You'd better go Ed, you have someone who is waiting on you." All she wanted was for him to leave before she fell apart. Her whole frame was vibrating just trying to keep herself together in front of him.

"Winry-" His molten eyes bore into her, tearing down the shreds of self worth she had. If he didn't leave now who knew what she would resort to just to keep him around.

"JUST GO!" Her voiced cracked at the end, making her word come out as a squeal. He began backing away from her when something shimmered and caught her eye as he did. But she wouldn't let herself be fooled, perhaps a drop of rain had fallen on his face and streaked down his chin because there was no way it could be anything else. He seemed to mouth something to her and then turn around and continue walking. She would have to be a fool to read anything into any of it though. As he vanished into the skyline and she fell to her knees sobbing, the sobs broke into screams then crumbled into laughter.

After some time she stood up, brushed herself off and walked back into the house, sparing just one backward glance to where he had last stood. Hearing the phone ring brought her back into the present. For the moment she had recovered, but who really knew how long the false sense of bravado would take to wear off. But for now a muted numbness might be exactly what she needed. Anything was better than thinking about how long she had spent waiting for a time that would never come.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey everyone that read the first chapter in what I now feel compelled to turn into to more than a one shot. I feel like I owe them more than what I received, because I have gone through something like what I previously wrote. I'm not promising that this will have an ending anyone will like but I just wanted to do a little more. Thank you everyone who reads and reviews, they are much appreciated. 
> 
> Disclaimer: No rights.

Walking around the empty house was getting to be Winry's worst nightmare, now that Granny was gone all she could hear were the sounds of people who weren't around through the once beloved home. Ed had left her three months, two days, ten hours and around fifty minutes ago. She was to the point of actually watching the second hand tick on the large clock in the living room, she couldn't stand to listen to it one millisecond longer. Standing abruptly she began to pack, she had spoken to Garfiel earlier in the week about continuing her tutelage and completing her Master's in automail engineering. She was so close to being done, and felt like she owed it to her Granny and herself to finish what she had started. So it was with this thought that she gathered her bags and shut the door behind her, beginning her journey forward in life.

When she arrived in Rush Valley, she noticed it seemed more busy than it normally was, which would mean work right away. Grabbing her bags she started walking towards Garfiel's shop, as she was excited to see him. He was a quirky sort of man, besides being hopelessly more boy crazy than any woman she'd met, he always had a way of helping her forget any troubles that crossed her mind. The weather was perfect, sunny with a cool breeze blowing through the packed streets. She was walking with the single minded focus of buckling down and completing her certification so that she could travel and help people. As much grief as she had always given the Elrics for traveling all the time, she could understand now not having anything left herself why it could be cathartic. Rounding the corner onto the road Garfiel's shop was on, she abruptly ran into a man, scattering her bags and falling. She had begun apologizing about not paying attention before she had even looked up, but when she did raise her eyes her words died in her throat as she stared into honeyed eyes that seemed to penetrate through her.

"Oh, uh..." Was all she managed and then she berated herself mentally for not being able to come up with one single sentence of actual words to THIS man. How could this possibly be happening, what the hell were the odds that when she left Resembool he would be in Rush Valley? Oh, she had a guess as to why, and seeing the way he was awkwardly standing frozen in shock she could just picture it as well. Reflexively she continued her line of thought aloud. "You better not have broken MY automail Ed, I see the way you are favoring your other leg, if there is one scratch on my precious work I will..." Realizing that she had just spoken to him as if he hadn't broken her heart and ruined her life, her hand clasped over her mouth trying to stop anymore from coming out without consent. She had wondered what she would do if she saw him again, but she never thought it would've been in this decade, if ever for that matter. She noticed then that his hand was resting on her shoulder and that he had picked up all of her bags. Now that she acknowledged his touch, she could feel the warmth spread through more than just where he had his hand. With this thought her stomach flipped and she took a step back away from him.

He was wearing a blush that seemed to grow as he also noticed that he had been touching her involuntarily. Carnal images of their night together flashed through her mind and she took in his muscular body flexed from holding her many bags, and his surprisingly tender lips parted as if wanting to reply. Shaking her head of all useless thoughts, she took her bags from his hands, feeling his roughened skin against her own setting her heart to an unsafe rhythm. "Haha, well I guess it's really none of my business what you do with your body..." At this statement, she felt heat rush to her own cheeks at the realization that that statement could certainly be taken more than one way. His eyes flashed to hers at the words as well. Plastering a smile on her face she knew she needed to get away from him before she either beat him with her wrench until he understood wordlessly who should be the only person who knew his body, or cry and beg him to be with her. "Anyways, I've got to get settled in so, bye." She needed to get as far away from his as possible.

"Wait Winry!" Oh, he seemed to have found his voice and what a voice it was, so familiar and yet deepened some just from the last time she had seen him.

She bit her lip anxiously, then turned to face him. "Yes Ed?" Bleh, why had her voice come out so breathy? What was she expecting?

"I came here about a week ago looking for someone to work on my leg, but I just couldn't seem to let anyone else work on it..." He trailed off embarrassed, as if he didn't even want to ask her.

"Sure, Ed. I'll fix it for you. But you are going to have to give me some time, I'm only just arriving. Come by Garfiel's tomorrow, it's Friday so I am sure he will be busy. If you get there early enough then I can just set you up in my room so that he doesn't have to feel bad for turning people away." Garfiel was one of the best automail engineers that she had been lucky enough to know, and gauging from how the population seemed to have doubled she was sure the shop would be a madhouse tomorrow. Squaring her shoulders, she tried to ignore the voice inside her that was telling her that seeing him was torture. Or more appropriately like a drug, better to just stop cold turkey than getting little buzzes here and there and keeping her addicted. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." He seemed to echo. Man, she must be a glutton for punishment. What did she think could come out of this? Eventually he would have to find another mechanic, though the idea was repellent. She didn't think she had it in her to fix him up over the course of the years. Trying to make wooden small talk and avoiding all the things one generally surface level spoke about. No, that wouldn't work. She would have to set him straight, after this tune up they needed to go their separate ways. Of course, she could make him a few extras to have another mechanic attach for him and maybe some replacement parts. They could talk about options tomorrow, she would be professional and do her job. Then he could walk off and leave her like normal. This was such a bad idea, but she would be lying to herself if she said she didn't want to see him again. Or touch him. No, she couldn't afford to think like that. He was a childhood friend that she would do this last favor for, and that was it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey everybody, hope you all liked the last chapter. I know they are kind of short, but I always like giving faster updates rather than long ones. Let me know what you guys think so far and what you would like to see in the future. As always please REVIEW!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

Truthfully Winry had never been a girly girl, though she did like the idea of looking good in front of Ed. However being in her line of work it was a bit impractical to wear nice things while working with oil. Running on only about an hour of sleep, she knew she didn't look her best and so she did something she rarely did and decided to apply a small amount of make up. Washing the sleeplessness from her face with cool water, she tried to gently make her eyes look less tired. Smoothing a dab of moisturizing cream to her face, she felt the puffiness start to fade. Flipping her head over, she tousled her hair to give it body then took her time to smooth her hair and let it fall in silvery blonde waves around her face. She put a hint of mascara on, pinched her cheeks and brushed a hint of color on her lips deciding that was about as good as she would get without looking like she was trying.

Walking to her already tidy closet thanks to her sleepless night, she began trying to find something attractive and practical to wear. Of course now it seemed like she owned nothing that would suit both the needs of work and showing off what he was missing out on. Sighing in defeat she grabbed her old faithful outfit of a rolled down below the navel work suit and her favorite black tube top, which she was fairly bursting out of with her more than gracious bust. She dabbed a bit of perfume at her pulse points and started clearing off a place to set up her tools.

Ed had always laughed at her for neatly lining up her collection of wrenches, nuts and bolts because by the time she was done they were always scattered in disarray, much like her life was starting to feel. How could she have run into the very man she had left Resembool to escape the memories of? She had been in desperate need of a clean slate and now here he was and she was just hoping that she could handle the aftermath of this encounter. If only she could just feel friendship for him, or if she would have fell in love with Alphonse. Al had always seemed so much older than Ed, maybe from watching his older brother and his generally knee jerk reactions. Unfortunately she had always looked to Al with a sort of kinship that she couldn't make herself replicate with the mouthier Elric brother.

When she looked up, there stood the root of her emotional turmoil staring at her as if trying to read her thoughts.

"Morning Winry." Ed never was a morning person, so she guessed it must've been his nightmare getting up so early.

"Good morning Edward. Go ahead take off your pants and get comfortable on the bed." A faint blush touched her cheeks at her own words. Why did everything she said come out sounding like a sexual innuendo? He must have noticed her reaction given the appearance of a bitten back smile that briefly crossed his face. Turning to grab her tools, she heard the sound of his pants falling to wooden floor and abruptly she wished it wasn't for a damn service call. Halting that thought right in it's tracks, she briskly shook her head and pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. Reaching a hand out to start checking the skin around the port where his leg connected, she noticed him tense when her hand gently explored the area for any damage. She wasn't sure if it was in response to her questing hand or from the clear stretching of his skin, but in a way she hoped it was from the first. The idea that he might feel as nervous as she did comforted her minutely. "Well, you have some pulling away from the port itself...this must have been hurting for a while now." Letting her hand slip from high on his thigh onto the cool metal that took the place of his flesh and blood limb, she began checking inside the outer panel for further issues.

Immediately it was clear that one of the tubes running hydraulic fluid from the toes to the port itself was punctured and had been leaking all over the inside of the gears and was beginning to rust them. No wonder he was favoring his other leg, this had to be unbearable. Leave it to Ed to keep pushing forward on a bum leg with no regard for himself. "Wow, I think this might actually be worse than you breaking it altogether." Muttering to herself, she measured his flesh leg and then the automail one, he had grown another inch. "I might as well make you a whole new leg anyways, this one is an inch shorter than your other I'm sure you are glad to hear." She had come across more dispassionately than she had intended, but every outburst about his height a few years ago came to mind. As much as she was happy he wasn't a midget anymore, she had always enjoyed his spastic strings of obscenities brought on by being told he wasn't of normal stature.

"So how's Granny?" Ed asked conversationally.

"She died about a month and half ago." Amber eyes finally flicked up to meet hers, questions flashing in their depths.

"I didn't know Winry, I'm sorry... What happened?" He seemed genuinely sorry though Granny and him had always argued back and forth about petty things, from drinking milk to what a shrimp he was.

"How would you? You weren't around. I came in from getting parts in town and found her on the kitchen floor, it was awful. She was just lying there lifeless...the last person who truly cared for me, gone." Feeling the tears begin to sting her eyes, she turned to grab a tool from behind her so that she could get herself together. The last thing she wanted to do was to cry in front of him. Warm, strong arms reached out to hold her and she lost it. "DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU WEREN'T THERE! DON'T PRETEND YOU CARE NOW ESPECIALLY WHEN WE BOTH KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO BE GONE AS SOON AS YOU HAVE THIS STUPID AUTOMAIL! THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER BEEN TO YOU IS A FUCKING MECHANIC!" Standing, she turned to pick up the rest of her tools and place them on her desk. She was scared to chance a look at him, but she did. His eyes were covered by his golden bangs shadowing her view from them. She needed space, this wasn't healthy. All she was going to do was say things she regretted and make them both feel worse. "I'll have your leg done by Monday. If you want me to make you an extra I can, but I just need for you to leave. I can't do this right now."

Moving his body so that he could place his feet on the floor, he leaned down to pull his pants on. Turning his face up, he looked like he was going to say something but had thought better of it and instead gazed at her a long moment before leaving. To Hell with him! He thought he could understand what she had been going through, or that he could comfort her after just months ago he had told her he was leaving her for some woman he had already gotten pregnant? Not likely. She had to go help Garfiel, or do anything to get her mind off of him. If she stayed up here she would wallow in anger and sadness all day.

Upon walking down the stairs and looking at Garfiel, her eyes welled up with fresh tears and he took her into a big hug and murmured that things would be alright. She was never good at keeping her feelings from him, in the last two years he had become her best girlfriend. When she was grieving her grandmother, he had cried with her from miles away and talked her into coming back to Rush Valley. He had tried to convince her numerous times that she should come back, if not for automail then just so he could play matchmaker for her. As he suggested now. Currently he was waving his hands dangerously, trying to talk her into letting him doll her up and take her out for a night of drinking and dancing. Any other day she would say no, but for some reason his idea of just cutting loose and having fun seemed better than staying in and wistfully wishing for things that couldn't be.


	4. Chapter 4

Admittedly, Garfiel just might have been in the wrong line of work. After taking a shocked look in the mirror following him jumping up and proclaiming that she was perfect in a sing song voice, she had to give it to him. The girl standing before her in the reflection was blindingly beautiful. Perfectly loose curls hung softly around her face, he had even styled the lighter strands so that they stood out subtly. He had applied designer cosmetics in such a way that she looked natural and would still stand out above any other woman, all while teasing her about how he wished he had her sinfully full pout to work with. No man could possibly say no to a mouth like that he mused while masterfully lining his own lips. Laughing wildly, Winry was so glad she had him as a friend, even as low as she had been feeling he had quickly brightened her sinking spirits.

"Alright, are you ready to see the outfit I picked for you?" Garfiel asked hardly containing his excitement.

Smiling, Winry replied, "I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Unzipping the garment bag slowly for effect, Garfiel pulled the dress out...if that is what he was calling this scrap of fabric. Red, generously low in the bust and tight around the waist, flowing gently outward with a short hemline. Red, of course it would be Ed's favorite color. "Wait a second, that's not mine."

"I know dear, but I saw this and just knew how great it would look on you! I just had to get it for you! If I had a figure like yours, I would dress like this all the time and show that silly short stack what he was missing out on." Instantly her eyes were shiny with tears threatening to spill over as she reached out and gave the tall, femininely dressed man a huge hug. After a few seconds, he stepped back and pushed her to his arm's length. "Oh no! You can't cry! Your mascara will run!" Quickly he grabbed a cloth and lightly dabbed the outer corners of her eyes that were luckily still pristine. "Now no more tears darling, slip into that and let's go have some fun." Cheerily smiling, he left her room and waited downstairs for her.

Upon arriving at the bar down the street from Garfiel's shop, they were practically swamped with male interest. In fact Winry now had three drinks sitting in front of her as proof of the fruits of three men's labor. Looking at them trying to discern from color which to try, Garfiel suggested she try the one that was slightly faded yellow to brown. An amaretto sour he had called it, was apparently a safe way to start off since she had never really drank before. Sipping the tart beverage gingerly, she found that she really liked the mixture.

Given all of the attention they were receiving it was hard to have a complete conversation with any of the men gathered around them. There were two similar looking brunettes, that she would bet were brothers both set on trying to get her solitary attention. A funny blonde man, but she was currently off blondes at the moment. Then there was the handsome redhead who had bought her the amaretto sour. He approached her and Garfiel with something he called a 'lemon drop' and she smiled brightly at him. Out of the group around them this particular gentleman was certainly the most attractive. Emerald eyes twinkled at her as the three of them clinked shot glasses. Feeling the moderate burn slip down her throat at the stronger alcohol, she was finding she enjoyed the sensation.

Striking up a conversation with the brothers, Garfiel was currently trying to sway the men to his side of the playing field, unsuccessfully. However their conversation was quite funny to catch side comments from. As to the generous green eyed man named Josh, he was being fairly touchy feely with her. Finding a reason to brush her hand in laughter or tuck a wayward strand out of the way, she found that she was elated to be the center of someone's affections. Momentarily her thoughts strayed to Edward, and how he had always been so reserved in his actions with her. Briefly her smile faltered, and oddly she was suffering the idea that she was the object of a strong gaze. Looking around herself for a few seconds, she tried to quickly see if anyone was outright staring at her. A moment later, the bartender slid her another drink and said it was from the man in the booth at the back of the bar.

Eyes darting to the back of the bar where the barkeep had mentioned, Winry felt her stomach flutter ruthlessly and her cheeks pink immediately at the sight of the exact man she had come out to get off of her mind. Grabbing the glass from the counter, she told Josh that she would be back without another thought. Maybe it was the liquor she had drank in a short time, but she was feeling a sort of false courage as she took a seat across from Ed. The corner he was ensconced in was dark and would have been strangely romantic in another setting. Settling into the seat she noticed he wore a heated expression as her chest was so blatantly bouncing. Quickly he wiped the look from his face.

"Having a good time Winry?" He seemed to wear a bitter smile as he took a swallow of his significantly darker drink. Noticing that his eyes were fairly hazed from a lengthy bit of consumption, she wondered how long he had been there. Had he been drinking all day or just a large amount in a short time?

"Sure, Edward. How about you? Been here long?" Kicking herself mentally, she wished she wouldn't have even asked that. Shrugging noncommittally he didn't seem like he would be giving her an answer. Grabbing her bag, she began to get back up. "Alright, well thank you for the drink, I will leave you..." Reaching out with remarkably reflexive speed for someone who had clearly drank so much, he stopped her from abruptly leaving.

"Wait, don't go. Yes, I have been here most of the day after leaving the shop. You look...wow. Incredible. I like the dress. The color suits you well." A shy smile crossed her face as she sat back down.

"Thank you. Garfiel picked it out for me, for tonight. Have you been drinking the whole day?" Trying not to seem as interested in the response as she was, she took a long sip to quell her nerves.

"More in the last hour than the beginning of the day." He answered truthfully, then blushed crimson himself realizing what he had given away.

"Oh, well why didn't you just come talk to me when I came in then?" He frowned as if considering what he would say.

"You looked happy. You deserve to be happy, you haven't had enough good in your life and I know I don't even have a right to be sitting here with you now in my position. All I keep thinking is that someone like you can't possibly stay unattached forever. I know I shouldn't say this, but I am miserable with the way things are." There was that dangerous fluttering in her stomach again. She was so taken back to hear his words spoken aloud that she actually felt somewhat light headed. "The worst part is I don't even know how I ended up in the situation I'm in to begin with."

"Then why keep yourself in it if you know you aren't going to be happy?" Staring into his darkened amber eyes, she couldn't even bring herself to feel any empathy for this faceless woman to steer clear of the conversation she had just immersed herself in. When he didn't answer, she knew what he was thinking without him having to say it. He felt a responsibility to the woman and didn't want to end up like his father by just leaving. However, she had never believed anything but love was worth getting married for. Shaking her head clear of the thought, she took a large drink of her quickly dwindling liquor, wishing that she had another. As if reading her mind, Ed signaled for another round. "You know after this weekend, I won't be seeing you again so you won't have a right to get this hammered if I do choose to move on." Okay, so maybe she had said that last bit just to provoke him because truthfully she knew he would always have her heart. However given the expression that crossed his face it had the intended impact.

"Why do you have to say that Winry, are you planning on going out with that ginger haired fuck over there?" Anger, was clear in his flashing flaxen eyes...maybe not quite anger but jealousy? Good, it was only right he feel like she had every moment since he told her he couldn't be with her.

"Well what do you want me to do? Never get married or have children, live my life alone?" Noticing that her voice was raising with all the pent up emotions she had been repressing, she made no attempt to mask her feelings. "So I am just supposed to pretend that it's not killing me that after you gave me the most incredible night of my life and then left to continue your "studies" in the West, you come back only to tell me that you knocked up some girl and that you are getting married!? That's bullshit and you know it, you told me you don't love her. Either you do or you don't and I just want to know which it is, so I can have a chance at a life without you!" Staring him straight in the eyes she waited for him to give her the answer she needed to hear. She saw him clench and release his fists in tension, when the waiter walked up with the round they had been waiting on. Grabbing the glass, she drank steadily until this drink was nearly gone. Ed raised an eyebrow at her, then clinked his glass to hers and followed suit.

"You are the only thing I think about, at night when I'm laying in bed I close my eyes and pretend that I am at Granny's and that you are in the bedroom down the hall working on automail instead of sleeping. Sometimes I play out in my mind what could've happened if I wouldn't have left at all and if I had just woken up with you that morning instead of leaving. Golden kids, laughing and playing while Granny makes them drink their milk so they don't end up the height that their father was." Setting his glass down, he stared distantly into it. The words echoed inside her head, sinking in, breaking her. Silent tears slipped down her cheeks, kissing her lips before hitting the table.

"Isn't that worth fighting for Ed?" Her voice cracked over his name and she realized she couldn't be there any longer and bite back hardly contained sobs that threatened to become quickly audible. In one motion she was out of the booth and walking out of the bar without saying a word to Garfiel.

Wiping tears from her cheeks, she bit her lip to suppress the emotion that was riding heavy on her shoulders. Nearly at a sprint trying to get into the shop, she pulled her keys out shakily to unlock the door when strong hands lithely stripped them from her fingers and pressed her body against the building, claiming her mouth in a soul searing kiss. Ed's warm hands slid over her back trailing his fingers up and through her silky moon silvered hair. Tugging at the hair at the base of her neck, he tilted her head so he could have access to more of her sweet mouth. Nipping at her lower lip, she moaned breathlessly her need for more of him. Taking her lip into his mouth he sucked and teased the edge with his tongue. Without even realizing he'd unlocked the door, it swung open abruptly, pushing Edward onto her deliciously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And here I will leave you...please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Within a matter of minutes from tumbling in the front door together, they had somehow made their way to her room in a flurry of clothes scattering and desperate kisses. Ed's impatient fingers practically ripped Winry's red, lace panties off of her, then picked her up in his arms and set her on the bed. She knew somewhere in her coherent mind that this was a terrible idea and that she would just be worse off when he left this time, but even knowing that, she couldn't stop herself from wanting to memorize every line of his muscled body. She wanted to imprint his smell and taste in her soul forever so that even when he left she would be able to remember every minute detail about him. Seemingly he was doing the same, taking the time to tenderly kiss and nibble his way over each of her smooth, long legs and belly towards each of her full breasts.

Gently massaging the places his mouth had been with his eager hands, Ed left no part of her unexplored. He trailed hot, wet kisses up her neck and breathed roughly against her ear, sending goosebumps instantly to the surface of her skin. Pulling the tie from his soft hair, she reveled in the feel of his golden bangs caressing her nipples as he lavished his full attention to them. Mercilessly he teased her, brushing his thumbs lightly over her sensitive peaks before circling to cup each fully. Running her slender fingers down his strong back, she gently scored his skin with her nails as she tried to map every inch of him with her touch. Having his weight on her was intoxicating, every place their bodies touched was pure pleasure. Even his cool, polished automail leg against hers was enough to make her dampen in anticipation. He pressed his thick hardness between the slick heat of her silky thighs, and began to slowly rub himself against her rhythmically in a way that made her primally aware of the burning need to have him driving into her. A breathless sort of moan escaped her as Ed languorously slipped the head of his erection up and down her sensitive nub in utterly maddening strokes, while taking her mouth into a possessive, branding kiss. Her body swiftly reacted without thought attempting to take him inside her. Growling in a masculine sound that nearly had her shattering without even being penetrated, Ed seemed just as ready as she was.

As he slowly pushed into her while applying generous pressure to her most responsive center, she thought she would reach completion immediately. He smiled blindingly triumphant as he felt her wet readiness for him, his molten eyes hazy with lust but remaining frustratingly unmoving, seeming to savor in the sensation of being fully buried inside her. When he did begin to thrust, he rolled his hips into her, rubbing her innermost point of abandon. How he was so mind numbingly good at understanding and delivering what she wanted from only the reactions of her body, she didn't know but was thankful for none the less. Moaning his name loudly in appreciation, Winry wrapped her long legs around his toned waist, and he groaned in response as she moved with him in perfect unison, matching his every motion wantonly. Grinding into her with delicious friction, Winry tightened her muscles around him, drawing out a guttural obscenity. "Fuck, you feel so good." The harsh phrase only sounded arousing with his voice husky in passion. Even being fully exposed to him, watching him pound steadily into her, she felt no reservations with his hungry amber eyes on her. Shuddering, Winry felt a tingle deep within her building and expanding. Feeling nearly drunk as her intense orgasm began to peak, she cried out his name shamelessly as waves of pleasure washed over her. She was drunk on Edward, and it was this thought that echoed in her mind as she climaxed resonantly around him. His tempo which had slowed as he took in her completion, now sped to a fever pitch as he began to follow her in his own. Feeling him twitch inside her and then hearing his voice as he reverently breathed her name, Ed came as aftershocks were still pulsing through her. With a final push, he remained within her as he lowered his head to hers letting their ragged breathing slow together. She lovingly touched his face, silently thanking Garfiel for making her go out tonight so that she could experience this moment with Edward.

When Ed eventually slipped out of her, she felt cold and hated that they were no longer connected intimately. A few seconds later, he laid down next to her and pulled her bereft body into his own, wrapping his warm, tanned arms around her. Closing her eyes, she finally felt whole again. He must have thought she had passed out because after a while of laying still, he ran his fingers softly up her arm and cupped her cheek gently as if she would shatter, then sucked in a shallow breath and whispered quietly, "You have always been the best part of my life, and you deserve a far better man than me." She tried to stay awake until she knew he had fallen asleep, for fear of him leaving her in the middle of the night again. However once his breathing settled into that familiar pattern she knew as well as her wrench set, she found herself lulled into a comfortable sense of security and was soon asleep.

 

\-----

 

When she woke, she sat up abruptly expecting to be met with the reality she had assumed would playing out, and while she didn't see Ed, she heard a sound coming from downstairs. Making her way down to the makeshift kitchen, she was surprised to see Ed shirtless wearing what she assumed was Garfiel's apron, cooking breakfast like it was the most normal thing in the world. A huge smile crossed her face as she realized he hadn't left, tears sprang to her eyes as she wondered if things would actually find a way of working out for once. Before he noticed her, she took a few moments to greedily take in the sight of him sleep mussed and sexy. When he turned to grab plates from the small table he saw her, eyes furrowed as if in deep thought or concentration but when they met hers, they shone brilliantly as a smile lit his own face. The blush that accompanied it sent her heart hammering into her throat. Come on! She had just slept with him last night! How could a simple blush affect her so much? She returned his blush with one of her own as she remembered their hasty entrance into the shop last night.

"Nice apron." Winry stated cheekily.

"Nice hair." Ed playfully tossed back. Her hands went straight to her head, trying to smooth the haystack that was her sex hair. She could only imagine what it looked like. He chuckled to himself at her half assed attempt to straighten herself, then he looked down at her choice of clothes and laughed more audibly. She had put on the first thing she had seen which was an oversize tee shirt and her work boots. Okay, so maybe she should have chosen he outfit a bit more carefully, but she was desperate to know what the aftermath of their night together would look like. Looking down at herself, a small snort escaped her. Taking her chances, she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Aww, you made me breakfast?" Raising an eyebrow at him, she began to walk around him, running her fingers over his taut abs when he caught her hand and spun her into him. Staring up at him, she waited for the action he would take and was rewarded with a sweet chaste kiss, followed by a light slap on the rear towards her chair. She was sure the blush covering her cheeks now wasn't the flattering kind, probably more splotchy in nature. How could she never have seen this sensually teasing side of him before? She should have just had her way with him years ago. "I didn't know you cook, let alone not burn the place down doing so." Smiling wryly at him, she gave him a little half wink.

"Well it's the only way I can be positive that nothing gets cooked with milk, I know you and Granny were always slipping it into food when you thought I wouldn't be able to tell."

"You couldn't tell and you know it, besides thank god we did because now you are a normal height." She carefully took her seat tucking the shirt behind her so that if Garfiel came down, her modesty would still be moderately intact.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT NOT EVEN A KID WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS TRYING TO BURN ANTS COULD SEE, AUTOMAIL GEEK!" Still sensitive as ever, even though he was actually taller than her now.

"I'M PRETTY SURE WITHOUT MY PRECIOUS AUTOMAIL YOU'D BE RUSTING IN SOME ALLEYWAY, SHRIMP!" That hit the spot all right, in a few minutes he would be standing on a chair trying to make his points.

"YOUR PRECIOUS AUTOMAIL STUNTED MY GROWTH!" And in the blink of an eye, her wrench had materialized from her boot and hit him upside the head. "THAT DAMN THING SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IN ALL OF CONTINENTAL AMESTRIS!"

"YOU DIPSHIT, IT'S ALL CONTINENTAL!" After a second, they both burst out laughing at her perfectly delivered and true statement. Ed finally took a seat at the table and they enjoyed the first happy meal she had eaten in months, with laughter and bickering. Just the way it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Oh, no, I see

A spider web, it's tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I'd said,

Oh, no, what's this?

A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,

So I turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,

And I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well, if I ever caused you trouble,

Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

\- Coldplay, 'Trouble'

 

 

For Ed the week had passed in a type of rare bliss that he had rarely if ever experienced. Teasing, laughing and making love to Winry was exactly how he wanted to spend the rest of his days. Hell it had taken days for them to actually get his automail finished and attached between their frequent and frenzied passion. Just thinking of her filled his mind with images of his dear mechanic stretched naked with longing calling out his name. However he knew deep down where he didn't want to even think about facing yet, was the issue of his upcoming nuptials and child- neither of which were with Winry. Over and over in his head he tried to recall how he had gotten himself into the mess he was currently in.

 

* * *

 

Edward had gone to Liore on a commissioned trip by Mustang to help by giving input on the structural damage caused by everything that had happened there a few years prior. The people of Liore had started strong on the rebuilding process but had been the target of many attacks in the last year and a half due to the cities overall naivety and poor choices. He was to go and speak with the head of construction about using some of the local alchemist or even aspiring alchemists to fix the city more quickly. Having sacrificed his own alchemy to restore his beloved brother to his human body, he wasn't able to just fix the buildings and houses himself. The goal was that with his tutelage and advice, that the people would be able to return their city to it's former glory in a margin of the time it would take manually.

Upon his arrival however, he had stopped into a bar for some food and water when he found his friend Rose sitting alone with what appeared to be yellowing bruises and cuts all over her face and arms. Walking closer, he noted how thin and miserable she looked. When she noticed him coming towards her, she stiffened visibly.

"Rose what happened to you? Who did this to you?" Gesturing to the clear abuse written all over her face, he was infuriated by the thought of someone hurting her. Hadn't she already been through enough after losing her former boyfriend? He was paused waiting for an answer fruitlessly. "Hey, tell me what's been going on, I won't let anyone hurt you." And he wouldn't, he would tear the bastard that hurt her to pieces! He ducked his head to get the attention of her downcast eyes, and what he saw there was nothing but a pain deadened expression. He had certainly seen that before, but he'd do anything to not see her wearing it now.

"Too late." Rose whispered while slamming another drink and taking another from the waiter who had just replaced the shot and mixed beverage she had. As she did this a shudder ran under her skin, but he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or whatever was clearly on her mind.

Tilting her still downward tipped face so he could look at her, he heard her suck in a breath loudly just from his light touch. "Rose, how about you quit drinking and we can go for a walk? You can talk if you want to or not if you don't." Speaking gently so as not to spook her, he tried to coerce her to stop drinking, however after many moments of silence he surmised that wasn't happening and decided to do the only other thing he could think of. Granny had always said, 'You never let friends get hammered alone.' This was unfortunate for him considering he wasn't crazy about drinking. Pulling up a chair, he sank down and signaled for a drink. "Well, I hope you don't mind if I sit and drink with you until you are ready to be walked home..." She didn't say anything, just nodded, pink bangs shaking their assent.

This was apparently where everything had gone wrong, all he could think of was that the alcohol content was different in Liore. Possibly the fermentation process was different to the few other liquors he'd had, maybe the distillment. Either way the result was the same, he was decidedly wrecked.

 

* * *

 

When he woke the next morning, he was naked cuddling with Rose. How the HELL he had gotten that drunk eluded him. In fact the last thing he remembered from the prior evening was that his drink had had an awful aftertaste like it had truly gone bad. If he felt this bewildered, how would Rose react upon waking next to him undressed? She had started drinking long before him and if the rest of the night was gone for him, would she even remember them speaking at all or just freak out that they were in bed together? Oh, he was completely fucked. All the way around. Even worse was the fact that she had clearly been abused recently. 'Oh just fucking perfect!' he berated himself internally.

Of course, Rose began to wake at that moment, and apparently in great confusion. She had sat up gingerly as if hosting a horrible hangover and dazedly tried to focus her eyes on the world. The second she noticed him and then his state of undress, and then her own nudity, her eyes became huge and horrified as she took the situation in.

"Edward! What are you doing here? Why are we naked!?" Rose scrambled to cover her quite bare breasts.

Blushing, Ed turned quickly the other direction ceding her some sort of privacy. "Uh, actually I was going to ask you the same thing. Heh." Laughing awkwardly Edward was desperate to get out of his current situation. Just then an unwelcome thought hit him, how was he supposed to keep this from Winry? HOLY FUCK! If she found out she wouldn't just be angry for him leaving, she would think that he wanted to be with Rose especially given the note he had left her before. This was certainly his worst nightmare come true. They weren't technically together, and that was his fault. He had gotten scared of their intimacy and what that would mean and left without even saying goodbye. Now they may never be together given his drunken stupidity. If was lucky, maybe he wouldn't have to tell her.

"Edward, I'm pretty sure we were intimate last night." Or maybe he would die from the internal bleeding he would have inside his head after Winry beat him to death. He didn't even know how to react to her statement. Really he had no way of knowing. However he could still taste lingering traces of Rose's lipstick, on his mouth and took that moment to wipe them furiously as if that would somehow negate the whole evening. He could imagine a woman would know and maybe if he didn't feel so awful he would be able to tell, but everything felt off right then. As she began to shake subtly, she dropped her head and let her hair cover her face from him. But a few seconds later he heard the telltale wet sniff of tears. Oh fuck, he was fucked. And now he was the asshole who had inadvertently taken advantage of an already broken woman, who was supposed to be his friend. Could he possibly be a worse person than he seemed to be? Walking slowly to her to show his intentions, he sat back on her bed and took the hand that wasn't holding the blanket tightly against her.

"Rose, hey, I'm sorry. I don't even remember coming back here last night. I just found you at the bar and you were trashed so I didn't want you to sit and drink by yourself. I never meant for this to happen. I would never want to hurt you, or make you cry." At his words she just cried harder. Staying by her side, he just tried to comfort her at a reasonable distance until she calmed down.

"I don't know what I will do Ed, I don't see a condom around here. What if I get pregnant? I would be ostracized by the people here. They do not look kindly upon unwed women with children." Swallowing hard, he too had glanced the room for one after she had come to the conclusion that they had had sex. Of course if they found out she was pregnant he would have to marry her. Liore was a judgmental place, they were a very pious people as he had learned from the whole Cornello event before. They weren't bad people just very strict in what had been deemed sinful. Winry would kill him. If that came to be so, he would have to get over his commitment issues and fast. He had vowed never to be like his absentee father Hohenheim if and when he ever had children.

"Well, we won't know for a while so there isn't a reason to panic yet. I'm going to be in Liore for a while working with some of the local aspiring alchemists, so if you need anything I'll be here. And if you find out that you are pregnant we can go from there." Sighing to himself, he just wished to leave and get some fresh air for a little bit. He was hoping that with time the details of the night would become clear to him and he would be able to absolve himself somehow. "I'm going to get dressed real quick, you should too." Bending to pick up his clothes which were strewn precariously around the room, he walked down the hall to the restroom. Rinsing his face and mouth vigorously, he continued his line of thought. How could he have been so stupid? He hardly ever drank, but his tolerance had always seemed fairly decent, it just didn't make sense to him. Turning the light back off he headed back towards the room and knocked on the door, not that all the manners in the world could turn back time. When he heard her soft reply he entered to let her know that he was leaving. With a glazed look that held more tears, she told him goodbye and he said he would check on her later.

As he left her apartment he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that things were never going to be the same.

 

* * *

 

Around a month after their one night stand, Ed was getting ready to leave the site that he had been overseeing the rebuilding of to find Rose pacing nervously. The second his eyes met hers, he knew in his gut that he was fucked. He would have to marry her, a woman he didn't love. Even worse, he would have to tell Winry. She would never forgive him for this. As Rose spoke the damning words he was expecting, he felt an intense nausea come over him. Breaking out in a full body sweat he focused on breathing slowly in and out. He concentrated on the feel of his own puffs of hot breath to keep him from losing consciousness. He couldn't remember feeling this horrible in his entire life and he'd experienced some fairly traumatic things. He didn't even really hear Rose asking him if he was alright over the thudding in his ears. When he attempted to answer her, he found that his mouth had gone painfully dry. Apparently he must've responded without even registering it though because she seemed mildly less anxious. He informed her that he would do the right thing and take care of both her and the baby not only monetarily but by making an honest woman of her. For him these were certainly the most soul wrenching words he would ever utter and not in the way he'd believed he one day would.

After everything he'd been through in his life between trying to resurrect their mother with human transmutation and only succeeding in losing Al's body and his own arm and leg for the knowledge he saw and the sacrifice he made to save his brother's soul and the years of trying and succeeding to restore Alphonse back to his body, he had believed something good had to happen. After having to save the entire country from a being trying to become more powerful than God and bringing himself and his brother home to Winry and Granny in one piece, he'd thought he would finally get to know peace and quiet. After giving up his Alchemy and becoming independent without it, he had thought surely he would be able to find a new happiness. Maybe even happiness with the one person he'd held as dear to him as his brother, but even that was being ripped from his grasp before he'd even had time to appreciate it. 'WHAT THE HELL DID i DO TO DESERVE THIS!?' He screamed internally. Was he really still paying for his sins from the past? If so then there really was no such thing as Equivalent Exchange and the guiding principle for which he had followed his whole life was a lie.

Rose had rambled on further about plans but he had just tuned her out and become introverted wondering if this was how the rest of his life was going to be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review!


	7. Chapter 7

I'm coming up only to hold you under

And coming up only to show you're wrong

And to know you is hard; we wonder...

To know you all wrong; we warn.

Really too late to call,

So we wait for morning

To wake you is all we got

To know me as hardly golden,

Is to know me all wrong,

they warn.

'The Funeral' - Band of Horses

 

* * *

 

 

For around a week, Ed had done not one damn productive thing. Sure he had shown up to his job, he'd gone through the motions of his life but he hadn't heard or retained anything since hearing the news that in a few months he would be a father and a husband to a woman he didn't love. This thought brought back the reality that he would have to tell Winry and soon. She was bound to get news about the wedding since Rose had almost immediately began telling anyone who would listen. He liked to believe she was trying to overcompensate, so when she was delivering their child in less months than they would be married for people wouldn't look askance at her. However, his gut which was steadily becoming more frequently correct was saying otherwise, but why else would she be so fervently spreading the word?

 

Just yesterday he had finally gotten ahold of Alphonse to tell him everything that was going on. Needless to say, he was beyond floored by the news. Unfortunately, Alphonse had been the voice of reason that he hadn't been ready to hear. Not that that was much different from usual, Al had always been infinitely mature for his age, clearly getting all of the common sense between them. He had made Edward promise that he would go and tell Winry what was going on so she wouldn't hear about it from any other source. A long silence had eaten up the space between them then, he had been hoping to deflect Al's request by letting it drop. That was apparently not going to happen this time. Only after he had wrung a reluctant promise that Ed would travel to Resembool and speak with her, did Al let the subject drop. From the disapproving tone in his little brother's voice, he could tell that even though the subject had been placed on the back burner verbally that it certainly hadn't left the forefront of his mind. Finally after more awkward conversation, he had said goodbye.

 

Hanging up the phone he had proceeded to call Central and let Mustang know that he would need to go to Resembool for an unspecified amount of time. That had actually been less awful than he expected it to be, and far less trying than speaking with Alphonse. Of course he also hadn't explained to Mustang what had come up, just that something important had taken the precedent and that he was in no mood for bullshit. Lastly, he went by where Rose had taken up working to let her know that he would be leaving for a while. They hadn't spoken about Winry, so she had no idea that he had someone who deserved a million apologies and would probably except none. Giving her a bland smile, he said he would be back as soon as he could be. Luckily for him, she had been in such a state of happiness that she didn't even notice his forced attentions. Without a backward glance, he made his way out of Liore.

 

Upon his arrival to Resembool, he decided to just go see what Winry and Granny were doing without announcing his presence. However halfway up the drive, he glimpsed the shimmering strands of blonde hair that had to belong to Winry coming out the front door and dove behind a tree. He had faced down the homunculi, Father and Truth and yet couldn't make himself stand up in front her to admit his failure. Scooting around the tree silently as she began to pass, he heard her singing softly to herself. A sad melody, with even more melancholy lyrics. He'd never heard her sing before, and he would've given anything in that moment to hear her sing a happy tune. Her voice was remnant of the sound of a violin when it sobbed quietly in a high range. Just listening to her felt like she was singing a song written just for his inner turmoil and depression. He watched as she faded into the distance, thinking how much even her walking away from him unknowingly was a portent of what was to come. There was no way she would ever be able to remain his friend after he told her of his unforgivable act.

 

With his head hung, he began walking towards town to clear his head for a bit before going back to tell her. As if holding onto the illusion of what they had shared for even a bit longer would fix anything. Stepping into the bar he had passed so many times before, he ordered a double shot of whiskey straight up. Tossing it back, he felt the the instant burn that accompanied the liquor warm his seemingly eternal chill. Staring at the rows of alcohol on the shelf without really seeing them, he tried to visualize how his life should have gone.

 

He imagined his mother alive and well, his father by her side. He pretended that Alphonse had never been stuck in a suit of armor for a large part of his life and that they had gone to school with Winry just like any other normal children. He watched his transition from boy to teenager as he began to feel the shift in his feelings for Winry change from friendliness to awkward attraction. He saw himself take her to the school's formal, her dressed so stunningly that it took his breath away. They danced a stunted, bumbling distance apart at the beginning of the evening, gradually becoming more confident and comfortable within each other's arms as the night wore on. As he walked her to the door she stared up at him nervously and as she went to enter her home, he grabbed her desperately pulling her into their first kiss. People would laugh and make jokes about how they had been best friends and neighbors their whole lives, and now on their wedding day the high school sweethearts would promise forever to each other.

 

His father would walk Winry down the aisle, and then she would take her place by his side, where she had always been meant to be. Pretty tears of happiness would fall from his mother's eyes as they spoke their vows in front of their loved ones. Turning to Alphonse, his brother and best friend, he would take their rings from him with a hugely lit smile. Then as they were announced to everyone as Mr. and Mrs. Edward Elric, he would see the tears of joy trailing down Winry's soft cheeks and kiss her with every ounce of undeniable love and complete wholeness he felt with her.

 

Swallowing audibly, he blinked his eyes hard to keep the tears that had welled up from spilling and making him look absolutely pathetic in this public bar. Paying the barkeep, he stood resolutely to completely destroy every wonderful illusion he had built up in his mind.

 

* * *

 

Pulling himself back into the moment, Edward acknowledged what he'd been forcibly trying to keep from his mind for days now. As much as he wanted to stay with Winry and forget the facts that were so tragically true, he couldn't ignore the nagging voice inside his head that told him that he knew right from wrong and he'd done more than his fair share of wrong in the last week. However, that trail of thought brought on another. He would have to tell Winry yet again that he was leaving. He couldn't stand the picture that came to mind of her having to pick up the pieces of her life a second time. Not only had he left her, but Granny Pinako had passed away and he hadn't been there for her when she probably needed him the most. Time and time again, Winry had jumped at any opportunity to help him in any way that she could. Just taking this week for instance, he had been able to clearly see how much damage he had caused her and still she had made him a new automail leg.

 

Shaking his head in disgust with himself, he rose from the bed to look at aftermath of yet another night of fantasy turned reality and wondered how could have put Winry in the position that he was about to. He contemplated what he was going to say to her and her face crumpling in sorrowful defeat. Or even worse, an expression of disappointed loathing. Those brilliant blue eyes piercing directly into him as he would break her heart again, except this time it would be worse for both of them. Before when he had left her with the facts of his shitty future they had hardly spent any time together intimately. He had never experienced the joy of waking with her curled up in his arms, hair crowned by the morning sunlight. He had never previously known what it was to feel completion. If he thought leaving her the first time was unbearable, he could only guess the toll it would take on him now. Coming to a conclusion that he liked just a little, he decided he would leave now, this minute while she was at the grocery store. A smile touched his lips as he remembered her telling him that if she was going to keep his stomach full, and hers also, that they would need far more than the meager rations she had been sustaining herself with prior to his arrival in Rush Valley. As quickly as it had come, the smile vanished, replacing it's former warmth with a cold frown.

 

Looking in the mirror on the vanity, he figured he might as well get used to this expression because there would be no more inside jokes. There would be no more silly arguments or wrenches. No lovely smiles or long legs. No heated glances or nights that seemed so short that they would stay up until the sun bridged the sky just to have more time together. Even if they did see each other again, she would surely hate him and he would have no reason to smile again anyway. Slipping his pants and boots on, he made his way out of her room and out of the small shop. Trudging forward seemed to take every ounce of will that he had. His steps taken one at a time, while wearing leaden boots. As he bought his ticket for the next train to Liore, he realized he really should have checked on train times beforehand because now he would spend the better part of the day at the station on the hard benches. In reality, he deserved no less and maybe the discomfort on his body would be a pain reliever to his aching heart. His breaths were already far too short and disjointed to be considered healthy, and the weight on his chest was worrisome. He felt like he was dying and for some reason, he still continued on, being driven forward by some force unnamed.


	8. Chapter 8

 

**Listen close to everybody's heart,**

**And hear that breaking sound.**

**Hopes and dreams are shattering apart,**

**And crashing to the ground.**

**I cannot believe my eyes,**

**How the world's filled with filth and lies!**

**But it's plain to see evil inside of me,**

**Is on the rise.**

**Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog - 'On the Rise'**

* * *

 

Looking at the sanguine stained sheets with a pallid, sickly expression, Rose doubled over in pain as she felt another gush of blood hemorrhage out of her. Tears began streaming down her face as she realized that this much blood could only be a sign that she was losing the baby she had fought to conceive. This would be the second in a little less than a year if she was right. Ever since losing her first child in the second month after the first bout of riots, she had become obsessed with recreating the life that even though she hadn't chosen to conceive, that she felt she needed to absolve herself of losing. After the first loss, she seemed to have just snapped with the weight of guilt and self loathing. When Edward had approached her that night in the bar, she had just gotten a large quantity of painkillers. She had obtained them after being beaten by a soldier, after their five night encounter that she thought would become a relationship had ended violently. To her immense surprise he was already married, and wanted nothing to do with her once his duty in Liore was done. However, she had pushed to continue to see him and in a blind rage he had brutally lashed out at her when she said she would tell his wife about them.

 

When Edward unknowingly stumbled upon her, she had been getting ready to take a lethal dose of said pills with her fifth drink, but was stopped when his concern for her state momentarily relieved the pressure on her heavy heart. She had always admired the elder Elric brother for his upfront opinions and always moving forward mentality. Also, he was quite handsome especially since he had finally gotten taller. Truthfully she knew very little about him except the few things he'd told her and that she'd heard around the time of 'The Promised Day.' Apparently Ed had never liked his father, Von Hohenheim because he had up and left the small family when they were young. She could understand that sentiment. Here she was, a single, possibly pregnant again woman searching for a way to fill the void left from her boyfriend's death, a miscarriage from being raped and a growing list of mistakes that she wore like bitter veil.

 

She vaguely heard her own reply to his threat meant for whoever had hurt her. Throwing back her drink, a deep shudder ran through her as she replayed the look of disgust that the married officer had worn when he had left her curled in a crying ball on the floor. Edward reached forward and lifted her chin so he could look her in the face and she sucked in a breath at the physical contact. He tried to coerce her out of the bar, to which she replied with silence. There wasn't anything short of a miracle that could get her to leave that bar. As he took a seat in front of her while signaling for a round of drinks he continued their very one sided conversation.

 

When she looked at him finally, she felt his strange, amber eyes piercing right through her, peeling straight to her tainted soul. Staring openly at him, and idea came to mind. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the desperation, she didn't know but either way she thought about how she needed to be prepared in case she was pregnant again and how Ed would make an ideal match for her. He was a kind man, he wouldn't beat her or leave her, maybe she could just slip some of the pills she had in his drink and seduce him. It was a terrible idea, one that she would surely be condemned for, but it was also an excellent solution to her problem, and who knew maybe he would even be happy with her. He was very concerned for her, maybe he actually liked her to a degree already. She had never heard of him being in a relationship with anyone now that she thought about it, and it was with that thought that when his attention averted because of an altercation near the bar, that she dropped two blue, oval shaped pills into his drink. Praying that he wouldn't notice them until they dissolved, she began talking to take his attention off of the liquor in front of him.

 

After a few minutes of conversation, he lifted the whiskey to his lips and drank fully. Her breathing seemed to stop as she waited to see if he would notice their taste distorting the dark liquid, or even worse if it wasn't enough and he didn't even become fazed from them. Mentally berating herself for not putting more in, she noticed after a time that he seemed to become a bit sloppy in his speech and actions. For the first time in what felt like forever, a smile crossed her face.

 

"Finally! I was beginning to think I'd never see that smile again!" Catching her by surprise, Rose blushed at his thoughtful words as Ed grinned toothily back at her. Yes, she was making the right choice even if it was dishonest. Deciding this was as good of a time as any to test the waters with him, she reached across the table and laid her hand atop his.

 

"I just wanted to thank you Ed, for putting up with me right now and sitting with me when you probably have many better things to do." A blush crept over his tanned face, as he became flustered by their closeness. That was a good reaction, perhaps he really could like her. Tossing her dark hair from her shoulder, she leaned forward letting just a hint of cleavage peek above her dress. Watching his hazy eyes glance to her, she saw the blush darken and cover him more fully. Then he remembered that she had said something to him that should have warranted a response from him.

 

"Uh, of course Rose! I don't mind being here with you at all, actually there is nothing here I have enjoyed more." The end of his sentence had run together, he was definitely feeling the effects of the drug now. Rose ordered two shots for them and handed one to him. Looking warily at the drink with one eye closed, Ed clinked their glasses together and quickly tossed back the burning booze. He never even flinched at the harsh rum, she had to give it to him, all things considered he sure could hold his alcohol.

 

An hour later, she was reconsidering that thought as she was struggling to practically carry him to her house. Too much, she had given him too much, with her luck he would probably just pass out when they got inside. If she was able to keep him awake, she was uncertain if he would be able to get an erection under the circumstances. Pushing her door open, the weight of his automail leg caught up with her and she fell, taking him with her. Laughing incoherently, Edward made no effort to get up from the floor and off of her. Looking up at his enlarged pupils, she felt her heart accelerate. He really was gorgeous with all of his hard lines, and his soft eyes. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave over to the fantasy that he really did want her and kissed him. Stunning him momentarily, he hardened against her not granting her access to his hot mouth, however when she ran her tongue along his lips he began to respond. He kissed her back, sloppily, but still he did. In fact as they made their way to her bedroom, she thought him say something like, ' _he liked that win_ ' or some odd, garbled nonsense about having won.

 

Pushing him onto the bed, she hastily kicked off her shoes and pulled off her stockings and dress. When she went back to him, he was already sound asleep. Uttering a word she would normally never say aloud, she looked over the snoring blonde and wondered if she should wake him up. Pulling off his clothes, she figured if he woke up she would just say that he must have passed out during their intimacy. Inwardly she cringed at that thought. For a second of clarity, she saw the absolute depravity at her actions. How this was no different than what the soldiers had done to her months ago. How this was not what you did to a friend who had been truly worried for your well being, but then she thought about the position she could be in now that she wasn't going to kill herself. No, even the most honest people in the world had their moments of abject villainy and weakness, and she was no different. Besides in the bar he had appeared interested in her and that was enough of an answer for her. Running an extended hand down his tight midsection and through the thick, dark flaxen hair trailing down to his manhood, she got no reaction. Tipping her face downward, she gently placed his head in her mouth and sucked softly for a few seconds, once again with no reaction. Brushing her pink bangs from her face, she leaned back up irritated. He was completely gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Taking a step back and looking at her nude body, she realized that this opportunity may not be lost like she had thought. All he had to think was that they had been together for her to get the result she wanted. Slipping into the bed next to him, a brief smile crossed her face as she draped herself across Edward. She may be condemning herself in the long run, but no God that was real would have let her go through the things she had been through in her life and not help somehow. From here forward she would control her destiny, not some deity that ignored her good deeds and wouldn't answer her long spoken prayers.

 

Wiping the tears that had streaked her face, she gathered the soiled bedding up in her arms deciding that she wouldn't go off course now by telling Edward that she had lost the baby. Another sharp pain penetrated her concentration, pushing her to her knees. Retching violently on the floor, her sweat soaked forehead throbbed dully once she had emptied the meager contents of her stomach, twice. After a few minutes, she felt marginally better. Putting herself back on her feet, she continued the bitter task in front of her resolving that she would need to see a doctor later to confirm what she already knew, not that at this point it would change anything. Being only a few months from the wedding, she couldn't take back what was already done and she didn't want to. In fact, once Edward returned from getting his automail serviced she would try and move the wedding up as soon as possible so they could be consummate their union. From there she would tell him she had lost the first baby, maybe she would have an accident to support this even. Either way, Edward Elric would be her husband and the father of their children very soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**You gotta be kidding me,**

**I'm through with you boy anyway.**

**I'll wait for you, I always do**

**It's dumb but I want to anyway.**

**So here we are stuck in hell.**

**Same old game, we know it well.**

**I don't mind.**

**Anyway.**

**Spark it up and numb me on and off again,**

**Oh what the hell,**

**I don't mind.**

**Anyway.**

**Been sittin' here,**

**Have another beer.**

**I'm drunk but I want some anyway.**

**Too numb to know that I'm happy,**

**Without you I'm better off.**

**Anyway.**

**Dynamite Hack - 'Anyway'**

* * *

**  
**   


Every morning since HE left that she actually got out of bed, seemed like more of an accomplishment than it should have been. She was pathetic to have to actually give herself praise for doing what any normal adult would do daily. Getting up with more vigor than she had had in two weeks, she finally had SOMETHING to look forward to. Alphonse was supposed to be at the train station in two hours and she couldn't wait to see the smarter, nicer and more LOYAL of the Elric brothers soon. Bleh, she could actually hear her internal voice punctuating specific words as she thought them. She was beginning to become jaded from all of her recent experiences, she needed to cut the bad attitude and find things to be grateful for. If Granny were around she would have been chastised long before now for her sarcasm and rudeness. Stretching widely, she rolled her neck in a circle trying to relieve some of the tension that had accumulated recently.

She showered with care, and then tried to pull her appearance into something that resembled someone who had their shit together, she didn't want to worry Alphonse more than she already had. Knowing that his concern for her condition was the reason that he was coming back from Xing, after he whom she refused to acknowledge, had left her again. That morning when she had walked in from the grocery store and saw that he was nowhere to be found, and to her surprise, she hadn't jumped right to the idea that he had left. She figured maybe he had gone to get clean clothes from his room at the inn a few blocks over, so like an idiot she had made up some stew for him to eat when he got back and had even begun peeling the skin off of apples to bake a pie when she finally realized it was well after dark. Setting the apple down on the counter, she figured she would just allay her fears and walk down to the inn herself, it wasn't unreasonable to think that he may have fallen asleep from all of their late nights.

Arriving at the inn so late, they believed she was in need of a room but she quickly murmured his name and asked for his room number. The desk clerk looked in their log, and let her know that he had checked out some time ago. Barely able to contain the quaver to her voice, she thanked the older man for his help and walked out. Actually thinking back, she was proud of herself for keeping her emotions in check until she had made it back to Garfiel's shop. Upon entering the shop though her carefully controlled calm ruptured into immediate, hot tears of anger and loss. How could he not at least tell her he was leaving her, again? Why did he just hours before, tell her just how empty his life had been without her and how when he was with her that he felt like he was home? Fucking liar! He had lied. If she meant anything to him he would've at least given her the small courtesy of looking into her eyes when she found out he was leaving. In fact, thinking about it now, it made her feel used and cheap. Unfortunately it was in that mindframe that she had unthinkingly called Al. Even worse was that she had to speak, or more accurately cry, to three people who she had a hard time understanding just to finally be able to hear his voice.

As soon as the younger brother had heard her anguish, he had slipped into silence while she pretty much cried for two and a half hours straight incoherently. The poor man had just waited it out, and then when she had finally composed herself to a degree, stated that after he dealt with a few things there that he would be on the first train to Rush Valley. She had tried to tell him he didn't need to put things on hold for her and that she could wait, but he had quickly cut her off and truthfully she was glad. She needed the comfort of someone she could count on. Al had always been like that, the elder brother would do something to upset her and Alphonse was always there to pick up the pieces or talk some sense into his stubborn sibling.

Pulling her hair into a ponytail, Winry frowned at it, then decided to fold it up similar to how Hawkeye wore her hair last she saw the terse but steadfast woman. Hoping that she didn't look as awful as she felt, she quickly dressed and headed out the front door to meet Al. His train was running late, or so it appeared from the empty train station terminal. Sitting down, she crossed her legs, tapping her left foot in the air nervously. Frowning down, she never used to fidget and it was annoying, even to herself as she noticed her inability to stay still anymore. After what seemed like forever, a train whistled into the station. Standing up, she looked around to see if anyone had noticed her over eagerness. People piled out of the exit and she anxiously searched for short, golden hair, coming up empty. Maybe this wasn't his train, she thought dismally. Glancing off in the distance, Winry looked to see if maybe he had somehow walked out without her noticing. Right then a set of arms embraced her and she jumped in surprise. The man in front of her was not at all what she had been expecting. In the time that Al had been gone, he had grown out his hair nearly as long as HIS hair, and judging from the strong grip he had, he had also put on plenty of muscle that he hadn't had before his travels.

Moving back, she had to suck in a breath. Al looked like him more than he had even when they were children. A huge grin on his face, his golden green eyes shined at her. Tossing his ponytail over his very manly shoulder, she finally wrapped her arms around him properly, telling him how happy she was to see him. Breathing deeply, she could smell a hint of cherry blossom mixed with his normal clean scent, it was wonderfully soothing. Setting his bag on the ground, Alphonse stepped back to scrutinize her appearance.

"Winry, you haven't been eating have you?" Oh goodness, he sounded just like Granny had whenever she had become too caught up in a new automail project. Worry reflected in his gaze and she sighed to herself.

"I've been eating, Al. I ate last night. I'm doing better, really I am." Even as she said it, she could feel the twitch that gave her away. Looking down, Alphonse motioned to her feet.

"Your shoes don't match, Winry. You look too thin, let's pick up lunch on our way to the shop. I will feel better knowing that I personally watched you eat something." There was a time when this situation had been reversed. When Al had first gotten his body back, it was almost like a shock to do even the most basic survival functions because he wasn't used to it. Even if he had really wanted to eat an entire pie like his brother, he just wasn't physically able to. Glancing down at her shoes, she saw that Al was right much to her chagrin. Lifting her bright blue eyes to his a small laugh bubbled out of her illicting a chuckle of his own.

"Alright Al, point taken let's go." Heading towards town they picked up lunch and went back to the shop.

* * *

The day passed by in a blur, she had actually had a wonderful afternoon with him. Listening to him talk about his colored experiences in Xing made her forget about her own problems and made her realize just how much she had missed Alphonse. He had a great sense of humor, often at his own expense. It had been hard to ignore all of the hard lines that had matured in his time away. The brothers were so similar and different at the same time. She liked this little habit she noticed that he had of when he would smile or laugh that he would almost wink unconsciously. Also she noted while they made dinner together he had a sexy singing voice. Not that she was thinking anything about him, of course, just that his voice sounded like he had drank warmed whiskey. Just a bit rough but still soft and tumbling. How had she never heard him sing before? Eventually they ate dinner and stayed up talking a bit longer before parting to their separate rooms for the night.

As she laid in bed, she tried to think about anything but the brother who was painfully absent from her life. Of course thinking about not thinking about him only made him think about him more. She wondered what he was doing right then. Was he blissfully sharing himself with this Rose? Was she curled up next to him sated after the immense pleasure that she had seen first hand that he could bring a woman? Just picturing it made her stomach flip in agony. In her mind's eye she saw him slip his automail leg between the woman's thighs as he pressed himself intimately against her. The imagery was too much for her battered heart and she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to shut the vision off. Tears trickled down her cheeks as they gave way to shaking sobs that she tried admirably to muffle into her pillow. She had covered her entire face with wasted effort and was too lost in her misery to notice Alphonse enter her room but when the bed sank and he pulled her into his warm arms she just cried harder.

This poor man had been privy to her tears her whole life and here he was once again comforting her wordlessly without pressure to talk or justify her reaction. Pulling back to look at the kind hearted friend who had always been there for her, she knew she must look awful with her face littered in tear tracks and creased with pillow marks and said as much.

"Winry, you never look bad to me. Actually, you look kind of beautiful with your face flushed like that." The words struck her at the core, why couldn't the older brother be more like Alphonse? He was so gentle and wonderful.

With her lower lip quivering she replied honestly with a snort, "Yea, I'm sure I'm just breathtaking right now, eyes red and swollen. I don't know how you can put up with me like this." The blonde seemed to hesitate a moment before answering.

"I love you, Win. I will always look out for you as much as I can. I hate seeing you like this over brother. He is an idiot. If I had a girl like you, I wouldn't waste any time trying to put a ring on you. You are a once in a lifetime woman and if he's too blind to what he has, someone else will take notice." A disjointed pulse quickened inside her chest. For a few seconds his statement had dulled the pain that had been hammering within her. Reaching forward with fresh tears flowing she grabbed Alphonse and held him close to her.

"Alphonse, I don't know what I would do without you. I'm so glad you came back just to be with me right now." Snuggling into him, she let herself relax her frayed emotions and just be held tenderly.

"You need to get some sleep, if you want I can stay in here with you for the night." As much as she was sure this wouldn't appear well to anyone else, she thought about how comfortable and calm she felt right then and didn't want to lose the security of his arms yet. It wasn't like anyone else would know that she had let him stay in her room, and they weren't going to be intimate anyways, so she didn't see the harm in it. Nodding to him, he let go of her and pulled back the comforter that was thrown haphazardly on the bed to allow them room to cozy in together. Luckily she had already changed into her sleep clothes, which consisted of a gauzy colored, well worn as in nearly see through t-shirt and loose shorts. Alphonse however had come in wearing what he had arrived in. He looked to her sheepishly as he took this fact in. "Um, Win do you care if I wear a bit less to bed?" He laughed a bit nervously. Smiling brightly at his embarrassment she spoke quickly to allay his awkwardness.

"That's fine Al, we've known eachother since we were kids..." She trailed off here when he began to pull off his shirt and folded it neatly against his well defined stomach. Speaking of stomachs, hers flip flopped abruptly at the sight of his pale taught muscles that moved tightly as he went about tidying up his clothing. Picking up her sentence where she had left off, she swallowed in an attempt bring moisture to her now dry mouth. "So it's no big deal." Goodness gracious she all but squeaked the last damn word out! Could she be anymore ridiculous! Al was going to think she had lost her marbles! Crawling into the bed, she waited for him to slide in next to her. Turning to face him, she felt a hot blush stain her cheeks. He was going to think she was a total creeper if she couldn't pull herself together...So he had gotten more masculine and handsome in the time he was gone, big deal! He had always been attractive, he couldn't look so much like his brother and not be. But...he had certainly filled out in all the right places. Chastising herself, she pulled the blanket up nearly to her chin as he looked at her strangely. Almost as if he was debating something.

"If you can't sleep just wake me up okay?" See there he was trying like always to be a gentleman, and she was reacting like and idiot just because a good looking, nearly twin of the only man she had ever been physical with was being his same sweet self.

"Alright Al, thank you again so much for everything." Reaching across him to turn off the light, she felt the heat of his bare chest and shuddered briefly before settling back to her side of the bed. They were laying down facing each other, and she was reminded of when they were children and used to build forts and tents to hide out in. A small smile touched her lips at the memory, and at the same time Alphonse leaned in to her and softly pressed his lips to hers, sending her into a panic internally. The kiss was nothing more than a chaste touch of his mouth against hers, and yet as he laid back and said goodnight as if nothing had happened, she tried and failed to slow the thudding of her heart in her ears. Her wide eyes stared at him resting peacefully in the dark, and she wondered if she was crazy. Was she just mistaking a pattern he had picked up in Xing for the value she placed upon it? Even worse and more alarming to her was why she was placing a value on it at all. Laying still next to the younger Elric, she had a feeling she wasn't going to sleep as well as she had originally thought, at least not with her mind full of questions and no answers when it came to either of the enigmatic brothers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Look around your world, pretty baby**

**Is it everything you'd hoped it'd be?**

**The wrong guy, the wrong situation**

**The right time to roll to me**

**Roll to me**

**And look into your heart, pretty baby**

**Is it aching with some nameless need?**

**Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it**

**Right then, roll to me**

**And I don't think I have ever seen**

**A soul so in despair**

**So if you want to talk the night through**

**Guess who will be there?**

**Del Amitri - 'Roll to Me'**

* * *

 

Waking with a small smile, Alphonse turned on his side to where his childhood friend should have been asleep next to him. Thinking how she must have gotten up early to make some coffee and greet the day as he'd realized was her typical pattern after nearly three weeks of staying with the vivacious blonde, he stretched largely now that he knew there was no chance of him accidentally bumping her. If someone had asked him a month ago if he would find himself sharing a bed with the automail mechanic, he would've laughed and thought about how that was his brother's job, or would have been had he not made a monumental mistake. What he had thought would be a one night occurrence, had developed into an every night situation. That second night when he'd gone to sleep in his own room, she had slipped into his bed in the middle of the night and when he had tried to give her space, she had just curled up into him. Truthfully it would have been a nice, even though odd, moment if not for the fact that he could feel the tears that soaked his sleeve. The intimacy of sharing a bed with Winry still shocked him, even though he'd had his body back a couple years now these were experiences he hadn't had with anyone yet and he knew their closeness was affecting him now in his waking hours.

Alphonse was no fool, he knew where Winry's affections were, and that was with his brother. However even he found himself questioning this given the little moments that would occur between them. Though he knew nothing of first hand of romantic or lustful feelings, even he could sense the charged air between them at times and he would swear that sometimes her eyes would dilate and her breathing would elevate around him. As an Alkahestry student he knew all about the human body and how it would react in various settings and with different stimulants, so he knew there was something going on. Even without all of his research, he knew she was reacting to him because he too was reacting to her.

When he had arrived, he had expected to find her in a bad place, reasonably so. Edward had acted reprehensibly and now he would do his best to help his dear friend put her life back together as best as he could. However when he had seen her, she was much worse than he had been expecting. She was still beautiful, but almost frail looking as if she had taken a beating, only not the kind you could see on her skin. When she had wrapped her arms around him in greeting, he would've sworn that she breathed him in, the way a woman would when trying to memorize the smell of their lover. In fact, that same night when he had undressed for bed, he had felt the carnal burn of her gaze as she looked at him. He had tried to brush the feeling off, thinking he was just hyper sensitive given that he was getting undressed in front of her, but he couldn't help the erratic beating that sounded in his ears. When she had reached across him to shut off the light, he could feel their bodies touching each other at different points. Just the barest press of her full breasts against his chest made his breathing hitch audibly. He was thankful the room was dark then, given that he could feel a blush cross his face as heat pooled tightly in his groin. This was no way to put her at ease! He needed to pull himself together and be the gentleman he was reputed to be and not some horny teenager! So in an attempt to reign in his inner turmoil, he leaned in to kiss her cheek but instead had touched his lips to hers. A bolt of panic shot through him as he tried to play the whole thing off casually with a surprisingly normal sounding goodnight.

From there he had just become more and more aware of her, whether at night when they would lay down together or during the day when she worked. Like yesterday, she had been bent over an automail arm vigorously screwing a bolt into place when he had walked in with a sandwich and water to demand that she take a break and eat something when he noticed the most alluring bead of sweat making its way from the dip of her neck into the cleavage of her tube top. He had practically tripped over himself to put some distance between them before he let his desire get the best of him. He hated how his body seemed to react to her, in fairness she simply exuded an air of appeal that he hadn't noticed until now and it was driving him crazy. There was no way even if he wanted to that he could take that next step with her, this was Winry his dearest friend, brother excluded. She was in love with Edward, she had been intimate with him. There was no way to erase that fact from his mind, even though at moments his traitorous brain imagined ways to do just that. He liked to think of himself as a self assured man, but he just didn't know if he had it in him to overlook the hit to his self esteem that being with the same woman his brother had been with was sure to be. In fact that was proving to be the best defense in driving thoughts of him kissing her senseless from his mind. Even with those feelings of inadequacy, were those of immense guilt for even thinking about her that way given how miserable he knew his brother was. He just couldn't let this get the best of him, and that was that.

Actually as much as he didn't want to, he was preparing himself to let her know that he was planning on leaving soon. If he was honest with himself, he knew if he didn't he would do something they would probably both regret. Abruptly a sound of sickness tore through his silent introspection. Jumping to his feet, he went to find the origin of the sound. Walking into the kitchen, he found Winry doubled over the sink looking pale and shaky. Seeing her turn to vomit again, he quickly pulled her hair out of her face while she cast out the contents of her stomach. He felt the violent shudders that racked her body and tried to hold her hair and cradle her gently. Finally her sickness seemed to subside and she turned on the faucet to rinse her mouth, then left the room to brush her teeth he guessed. Pulling out a chair for her, she sank into it as he went to get her a glass of water to drink. Handing her the water, he pressed the back of his hand to her forehead to feel for an increase in her temperature. She felt cool, if just a bit sweaty and that made him feel better. He had experienced a fever once after he got his body back, and it was certainly the worst he'd had to date. When his body temperature had gone up, he had felt like he had drank too much with the way things were swimming in his vision.

"Are you okay Winry? Have you been feeling sick before this?" Even he could hear the worry in his voice.

Scratchily, she answered. "Yea, I'm okay Al. This has been going on for a couple days now. I randomly throw up for a while and then not too long after I feel completely normal again." Frowning for a second, Al thought over her words. When he looked up at her she was wearing the strangest expression. Now that he thought about it, she probably thought he looked like Ed when he frowned, which just made him frown deeper. Thinking of Ed, a terrible thought came to the surface.

"Winry, do you think there is any chance you may be pregnant? You guys used protection, so that can't be it right?" A brilliant red blush covered her face as she looked briefly embarrassed and shocked at his question. Okay, so he probably could have said something a bit more tactfully than that. After a minute passed without her response, he raised an eyebrow at her willing her to speak. "Right?"

Looking down at her hands nervously he could barely hear her reply, "Actually the first night we spent together, I don't think we did. We had been drinking quite heavily." A silence fell between them as they took in the idea that could be reality. "But that was the only time without using it, so the odds can't be that high right? I mean maybe this is all just stress related." That was a valid point, stress could take a remarkable toll on a body causing all sorts of reactions that could emulate the same side effects as pregnancy he supposed. An idea came to mind, he had never tried it but he was sure it would be obvious enough even to him without the years of experience that May had.

"Do you mind if I try something that could answer this for you? It won't hurt and it's faster than waiting in a doctor's office if I'm right." Nodding her approval he placed his hands tenderly on her stomach, dropping all distractions from his mind as he began to relax his body. If he was right he should be able to sense the Chi residing in Winry and more importantly the Chi of the potential baby. After only a few moments of getting a feel for the movement of her soul, he felt it. A spark of life. Gasping, he abruptly dropped his hands in shock. Raising her questioning gaze to his eyes, he swallowed hard. She was pregnant. With Ed's baby. Shit.

"What happened Alphonse?" Her voice wavered minutely.

"Well, uh...You're pregnant Win." Speaking softly, almost as if he was trying not to let anyone else in on their conversation, Al looked at her unguarded face. Many emotions flitted quickly over her features. Most notably, pain. When her face crumpled and tears began to stream unchecked from her eyes, he wrapped his arms around her. "It's going to be okay, I promise. I will help you and so will Garfiel, I'm sure. You are not going to be alone through this." Unfortunately those words proved to be more distressing to her, than calming.

Broken parts of words were her response, "No-o...I'll be a s-single mom. P-p-people will judge m-me from here forward, no matter how good my work is." Now she was shaking worse than when she had been sick early. He didn't have any idea of what to say to make her feel better, and now he was worried he would say something to make it worse. Watching her, he could actually see the path that her thoughts were heading. If no one bought her automail she wouldn't have a way to support her child, and she couldn't ask Edward, even though she should. Right now more than ever, he wished Granny was there. She would know what to say and do...actually she would have just beaten brother in the first place instead of letting anything like this happen. All he knew was that he couldn't stand seeing her this upset, nor did he want her whole life being more hard than it already was. For years she had always taken care of them and would've done anything to make them smile, now it was his turn.

"I have a crazy idea." He said nervously as she turned her tear streaked face to his. "Let's get married. I know it's not the ideal situation or way to start out especially since you don't love me like that, but I would be good to you. I would never leave you. I will take care of both of you and it's not like we haven't known each other our whole lives. And when the baby comes no one will be able dispute the resemblance to me so you would be able to work without anyone giving you a hard time." Everything had come out in a rush and even as he said it, he knew everything was true. Searching her eyes for some clue as to how she was taking his suggestion, he heard a bubble of laughter escape her and felt mildly hurt at her reaction.

When the laughter subsided some she finally spoke, "I can't believe I'm going to say this...but okay. Let's get married Alphonse. Only if you are serious and realize that if we do this, that it's forever. I don't even know how I can accept though, don't you want to want to wait until you meet a nice girl and settle down with her? If we do this, I would be robbing you of that. I don't know if I can do that to you after waiting years to get your body back to steal your future from you." Guilt evident in every line of her features, she began crying even harder. Tilting her chin up so he could look into her eyes, he was blown away at how beautiful she was, even right now in this insane moment.

"Winry, like I told you when I first arrived, a woman like you is rare to find. I'm positive we can get through this and who knows, maybe someday you may actually love me." Blushing furiously, she started to speak again. "No, don't worry about it now Winry, there's already enough going on to think about. Let's just take care of you for now." She beamed at him with an almost blinding smile that nearly rendered him breathless. After a second though, a worried look colored her expression and he could guess what it meant. "I will talk to brother. I will make him understand somehow." Just how he would do that was a mystery to him, but there wasn't a better solution at this point. He wasn't dumb, he knew this wouldn't be easy for any of them, but they had caused enough pain and damage in her life, Ed more so than him, he would have to say but still she deserved the world. And deep down, if he was honest with himself, there was a part of him that truly wouldn't mind marrying her. After the last couple of weeks, he had grown used to waking up next to her and he was loathe to lose that feeling. Now he would get to continue that and maybe more one day. His cheeks pinkened at the fleeting thought. Winry nodded in agreement to him speaking with Ed and grew quiet.

He had no idea just how hard this would be on her, but he was getting a clear picture in his mind. In three weeks she hadn't even spoken his name, and after the first two times that he had and he had watched her flinch at it, he had been mindful not to again in her presence. Feeling her tuck her head under his chin, he was pulled out of his thoughts as he hugged her tightly. After a moment of them just holding each other, she lifted her head to gaze at him.

"You deserve better than me, Al...the damaged goods that I am." He was preparing to dispute her statement vehemently when she silenced him by pressing her warm lips to his, effectively ending his denial. As her tongue breached the barrier of his formerly closed mouth, he was lost in sensation as he moved his tongue foreignly against hers. Feeling a tingle from the mint of her toothpaste, he lost himself in tasting her and exploring every part of her that she was willing to give. When she sucked his bottom lip, he had to stifle a groan that had begun to rise of it's own accord. Teasingly, she nipped and licked his mouth and he knew in that moment he would give her any damn thing she wanted.


	11. Chapter 11

**I spent the best years of my life,**

**Waiting on the best years of my life.**

**So what's there to write about?**

**What have I done?**

**What have I done?**

**So is this my destiny?**

**From starlight into eternity.**

**The gods must be laughing down at me.**

**Ha ha ha.**

**Cursive - "What Have I Done?"**

* * *

 

Kissing Alphonse was a completely different experience from kissing his brother. As their tongues moved against each other she felt herself giving away a piece of herself that she hadn't even known she had to give. With Alphonse it wasn't the out of control need that she felt with HIM but a slow sort of warming that seemed to bring heat to her chilled soul. She was curiously trying to to become familiar with every inch of his inviting mouth. Running her hands greedily over his hard chest and smooth skin, she tried to wipe the memory of the elder Elric from her mind by learning every dip and muscle of Al. If she was going to marry this man, her friend, it was only right that explore him fully, she tried reasoning with herself even though she knew she lying to herself. She had been developing an attraction to Al that she couldn't seem to understand. Maybe it was that he looked so much like his brother, maybe it was just that with him she knew where she stood. Either way the feelings were there even if they weren't the right ones. Perhaps Al was right, maybe in time she would grow to love him the way any wife would love their husband. Or maybe that was the line she was trying so hard to force feed her heart, and there in that moment entwined with Alphonse, she let herself picture that HIS hands were on her and that HIS mouth was pressed to hers. Abruptly the image of the golden eyed man shattered her illusions and she broke away from Al, breathing heavily. She watched as the younger alchemist took a dazed step away from her as he attempted to collect himself. After a few minutes, he seemed to return to the situation.

"Well, uh... we should get ready to go to Liore so I can speak with Brother about everything. If we pack today we can catch a train tomorrow and be there by the end of the week." Clearing his throat, he noticed that she hadn't responded and continued. "Of course if you don't feel well enough to come with me, or you would rather stay here that is fine too." Looking at her briefly, his face flushed as he focused on anything but her. Maybe he was worried that she wouldn't want to go for unease of being so close to his brother.

"No I will be fine Al, I'll pack in a little bit and ride with you in the morning. But right now I'm starving so I'm going to make us some food." She gave him the brightest smile she could muster, really she was hoping he would excuse himself so that she could have a minute to take everything in by herself. He must have picked up on that as well from his next words.

"That sounds great Winry, I'm pretty hungry as well. I'll just go take a shower and be down in a while." This time when she smiled at him, it wasn't forced and she wondered just how he was able to understand what she wanted without having to ask him but either way she was grateful.

As soon as he left the kitchen, she stood up from the chair she had been sitting in and walked into the spare parts room, closing the door softly. Bumping into the wall, she couldn't even force herself to remain standing and slumped slowly to the floor. She could actually hear her conscious screaming at her, 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING, ROCKBELL!?' as she replayed the last twenty minutes of her life back in her mind. Once again the older brother's face flashed in her mind, knocking the wind from her lungs. Pressing her face into her palms, she tried and failed to stop the flow of tears that had sprung painfully to her eyes. Shaking from head to toe, she clenched her hands into fists and opened her mouth to scream soundlessly. 'WHAT HAVE I DONE!?' How was she supposed to carry his child within her and not be with him? How was she supposed to explain to the child that she had married their parent's brother? Could they just never tell the child? Of course they would, she had to. She could attempt to live one lie, but two? No, that was impossible. This whole scenario was impossible and completely unfair to Alphonse. Dropping one of her balled fists to her stomach, she caressed the place where the new life was inside her and spoke with a wavering voice, "No matter what, we just have to keep moving forward. At least that is what your dad would say if he were here right now." Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her erratic breathing. This kind of emotional turmoil would not be good for the baby, even if she felt like her world was ending she needed to pull herself together. Standing awkwardly, she turned to face the mirror that hung on the wall. Her eyes were red rimmed and raw, it seemed all she had done the last few weeks was cry. Half of the reason that she now knew, could be from the pregnancy while the other was from the weight of picking up the pieces of her life after being left again. Looking at her shell shocked and haggard reflection, she winced at the woman in the glass.

When she was young, she had thought if she was just patient and waited, good things would come her way, however now that she was older she wondered what new lie she would replace the previous with. The sound of the shower squeaking startled her, causing her to come back to reality. She needed to let Garfiel know that she would leaving. Cringing, she thought about telling him about the pregnancy and her engagement but then decided to wait until they got back from Liore to shock the shit out of him. She knew he was the one person she could be honest with about everything that was going on and not face judgment from. At that thought she figured she should make him something to eat as well since he probably hadn't eaten either given the flow of people that had shown up when she was throwing up earlier.

Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes and combed her hair back into place with her fingers before leaving the storage room. When she got into the kitchen she rinsed her tear tracks off with water and set to making lunch, it was going to be a long day and they would all need the energy to get through it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Does her mother smoke, or does she jog every morning?**

**Does she drink when she thinks about me?**

**Or doesn't she need to drink...**

**Does she have a man who works a nine to five?**

**Does he come home to kiss our young Sierra, tuck her in and say goodnight?**

**(And an extra kiss for mama...)**

**I want that kiss, that kid, that apartment.**

**I'm ready to settle down now, so get that man out of my bed.**

**I want my daughter back now, I want to kiss her,**

**tuck her in and say, "Goodnight, my baby girl."**

**Cursive - "Sierra"**

* * *

 

Edward had pretty much spent every waking second for the last couple of weeks that he wasn't at work, inside of the library or at the bar in Liore. Keeping his mind otherwise preoccupied was the only way he was able to cope with the immense feelings of desolation and anxiety he had experienced upon returning. Rose had been pushing to get married sooner rather than later, really they were lucky she wasn't showing nearly as much as she should be, it just appeared as though she had gained some weight. So with their wedding now two days away, he had slipped into a state of acceptance for his future. Even if this was better than the panic attacks he had gotten before, it was still a surreal feeling that he would be a married man stuck in a shit life very soon. The only thing he had begun to accept with any amount of happiness was that he would have a child that would be worth everything else. In fact he was in the library reading a book on the do's and don'ts of child care, it had to mean something that he was going to try his damndest to be a good father, unlike his own had been. The only thing that was currently worrying him was that for two weeks he had been trying to contact his brother so that he could be present at the ceremony, and he had yet to receive a return call. If he didn't hear from him by tomorrow, he would make his case to Rose on postponing until they could find him.

He had racked his brain trying to come up with reasons why Al wouldn't have called him back by now, he knew that his younger brother had been unhappy with everything but he couldn't believe that he would honestly not want to be present at the wedding. The only other person he would've wanted to come would have been as the bride and not as a guest, so there was no way he could even think of asking Winry. Winry. Every time she slipped into his mind, which was far more frequent than he could handle, he hated himself a little more. How could he have fucked up so royally? He could only imagine her reaction to him being gone again, whenever he thought about it his chest would physically hurt and his heart would race. He had begun acknowledging them as panic attacks when one episode in particular had truly left him thinking he was going to die, his limbs had all gone numb and he couldn't catch his breath. He'd actually willingly gone to a doctor, who had diagnosed him quickly and prescribed him medicine to help with abrupt sting of such attacks. When Rose had questioned him about it, he had just played it off to nerves about everything in general. Also he had noticed that she had been increasingly pushing for a physical relationship with him, constantly cornering him when he came back from the bar and trying to entice him with a man's weakness for a woman with suggestive clothing or carefully chosen words and actions. Fortunately for him, or unfortunately for her that had been what had brought on the worst rise of anxiety that had led to the doctor's call.

Sighing at his inability to stop thinking about everything, he closed his book and returned it to the shelf and decided to go to the bar to calm himself. However on his way out, a gentleman bumped into him and he looked up to growl at the stranger, when he realized the stranger was none other than his absentee brother!

"AL! Where the HELL have you been? I have been trying to call you for weeks now!" The younger Elric seemed utterly startled as he stared at Ed. "Well don't just stand there, give your big brother a hug! Damn, I was starting to get so worried about you! It's not like you to not return my calls, I wasn't sure what could have kept you so busy." A bright blush covered Al's cheeks just then. "Holy shit Al, did you meet someone? Have you been too busy entertaining a lady?" A huge smile lit Ed's face at the idea of Al having been so lucky to find someone who was worthy of him. Stepping out the embrace, Alphonse was visibly nervous and cool towards him, which made him frown.

"Actually Ed, I came here to talk to you about that. Is there somewhere we can sit and have some privacy?" The frown deepened at the seriousness of his tone. He wasn't sure he had ever heard anything like it.

"Sure, of course. There's a park up the road that a gazebo is being built in, so people have been absent with the work." Receiving a stiff nod as a reply, he began to lead the way while a growing pit of unease spread through him. His gut told him that something wasn't right. As they walked in silence to the park, Ed felt fear run through him viscerally. He surreptitiously examined his brother for any sign that he had been hurt in any way. If anyone had hurt him, he would fucking kill them. Deciding to break the awkward silence he tried to make conversation. "So did you just get into Amestris?"

"No." The monosyllabic answer grated at his nerves, so he pressed on.

"How long have you been back?" Watching him carefully for non verbal cues, Ed turned off at the entrance of the park.

"For a little over two weeks." Why wasn't Al giving him more information than just the bare minimum?

"Well, if you've been in the country, where have you been if you are only just arriving here?" He swallowed thickly, feeling like this line of questioning was leading somewhere he didn't want to go.

"I've been in Rush Valley." His heart skipped a beat at the mention of his beloved mechanics home, had something happened? NO, he couldn't even allow himself to let his thoughts go down that road.

"Did you see- How was W- Is everything okay?" Not being able to pick a question, he had stuttered unintelligently. Arriving at a little sitting area, he motioned to sit but found himself unable to do so.

"Depends how you look at things." Shit something was wrong. Seriously wrong, he felt instantly light headed at the idea that something had happened to Winry. "I don't know how to tell you this Ed, so I'm just going to say it...Winry is pregnant and getting married." His stomach dropped, she was pregnant. Holy fuck. She was pregnant and it had to be his. For a half a second he was happy until he remembered his situation, and then really let the rest of Al's statement sink in. She was pregnant AND getting married.

"TO WHO!?" He practically snarled his little brother's head off with the two words. HOW COULD SHE? She was having HIS baby! Who would possibly want to be a father to someone else's child? Who could remotely be good enough for her? WINRY WAS HIS! How could she just up and get married to some total FUCKNUT she would barely know? Trying to remember the breathing technique the doctor had told him to control his attacks, he breathed in and out slowly while Al's golden and green flecked eyes averted quickly out of his line of vision. "WHO AL!? TELL ME! I'M GOING TO RIP HIS FUCKING DICK OFF!"

"Brother, you have no right given your own circumstances. Try to calm down and realize what that must be like for Winry to have to cope with. How she must feel about not being able to be with you especially during a time when she needs someone the most. And if she were pregnant and didn't get married her career in Automail would be over. Think about it." He tried to take what Al was saying for face value, he knew his words were true. He knew he had no right. But that didn't change how fucking heartbroken and furious he was, in fact he didn't think he would feel any better until he beat whoever it was into being good enough for her. FUCK, just picturing her with anyone else ripped at all of the shreds of his logic.

"GODDAMMIT AL, WHO IS IT?" An exasperated sound escaped left his siblings mouth, as he looked Ed straight in the eyes now.

"It's me Brother." The words hung in the air between them as Ed tried desperately to find a way to dissect Al's answer differently, he had to have misheard him.

"Very funny, I know you don't want me to go fight some guy you think is doing Winry a favor, but I'm allowed to react however I see fit. So tell me who it really is." A feral grin came across his face as he waited to hear the name of the man who had a few short hours to exist. Actually it would be the best bachelor party he could have asked for, he definitely needed to blow off some of this rage he had been harboring.

"Ed, I am serious, I have feelings for her and she needs someone to take care of her and the baby when it arrives. No one will be able to deny the resemblance to me when he or she does come." A strangled noise escaped his mouth as he heard the sincerity in his brother's words. He was going to marry Winry. His brother was going to marry the only woman he had ever loved and raise his baby. The urge to punch Alphonse had come after the reflexive action that did so had already happened. The decisive crunch that rung out in the air served to make him feel minutely better and instantly guilty at the same time, Al hadn't even blocked the blow and was now bleeding profusely from his nose all over the front of his freshly pressed shirt. Right before he had a chance to say anything a massive breaking similar to an explosion could be heard and felt rock the town. Turning as one, they looked to where the sound had come from and Al's voice broke through everything going on with his one word worry.

"WINRY!" Shit! Was she there? They needed to go and figure out what the hell was going on, as the both took off at a full run towards the scene, he yelled over the commotion.

"The sound seemed like it came from the Southern end of town, where is Winry?" His eyes darted to Al who was running raggedly pinching the bridge of his more than likely broken nose. His reply was muffled by his hand, but he was able to make it out.

"The southern side of town, by all the construction." With those words he began running faster still, feeling his automail leg straining to keep up with his breakneck speed.

"That's where Rose is as well..." He didn't know what he would do if something happened to Winry... or Rose. He may not love Rose but she was still carrying his child and they had been friends. Pushing the thoughts from his mind, Al and him rounded the corner right before the destruction. It looked like part of the lower portion of the newest and tallest building they had begun to work on had been destroyed which had caused it to topple on the buildings beside it. One of which being where Rose had been staying. He felt a distinct pang of dread as they ran up the now ruined stairs to her apartment and he began shouting her name as he looked for a place to enter the building.

From behind them, they could hear a man crying about how he had just tried to fix the small crack he had noticed in the buildings surface and he had performed Alchemy but had gotten the transmutation circle wrong and made the strong stone as brittle as crackers. Turning to look at the man, he realized he knew him from his classes he had given to the local Alchemists. He looked devastated with his deadly mistake clear in his blue eyes. Returning his focus to task at hand, he broke out the rest of the glass on a front window. Others were rushing over to follow them to provide assistance. Al and him carefully climbed in the window eyeing the damage as they entered. Creaking could be heard all around them as the precariously made their way around gaping holes and unstable flooring. They called out for Rose and anyone else that may have been at home during the accident. A voice could be heard from the apartment next to the one they had come in and Al took off in that direction telling Ed to go look for Rose. Fear overtook him as he saw that in the back the second story had been crushed into the first. He continued to yell for survivors while checking each of the rooms that he could get to for people, however in the last area he went to on the first level he saw something that caught his eye as familiar.

The side of Rose's dress was visible from his vantage point, and he quickly, carefully made his way over to what was revealed to be Rose herself. Luckily for him there was nothing on her which led him to believe she had been walking down the rear staircase when it happened, unluckily something must have hit her in the head as she was steadily bleeding from a large gash on her head and unconscious. Gingerly he knelt to pick her up, avoiding moving her as much as was possible. He was scared shitless that she had been hurt elsewhere that he couldn't see and that the baby was hurt in some way. Making his way to where Alphonse had gotten more help to dig through debris and look for people, he was skirting the edge of a hole in the floor when the board he stepped on gave way and he was pierced through the side by splintered wood. He yelled to Alphonse to take Rose from where he had dropped her and get her to safety. Feeling the shift in the house after his fall had torn apart more of the stability of the building, Al grabbed Rose before it settled part of the second story onto Ed's lower half trapping him effectively. Passing Rose off to one of the other men on the scene to get medical attention, Al clapped his hands restoring as much as he could to uncover Ed. Guessing from the pain in his automail leg, he was pretty sure his skin and nerves had been pulled from the port. Winry was going to kill him. Pulling him out slowly, Alphonse took Ed in his arms and went out the door he must have transmuted in his absence, walking him to the medic station that had been set up in the church across the street.

When he was carried in and set down on a makeshift stretcher, Al immediately set to finding someone to help him. As he watched his brother's distancing back, he heard a voice that cut him worse than the flooring had. Winry cried Al's name on the other side of the room, running into his arms and worrying over the blood that coated his shirt. Turning his face that burnt in jealousy, he wished his fucking leg wasn't completely inoperable or he would have been walking the fuck out of there at that moment. Within minutes Al had returned to his side alone, which he was silently seething about. She couldn't even come over to him and look him in the eyes?

"Brother, Winry wants to come over and check you out but I wanted to make sure you are okay with that." He must have been to tell that despite his pain that he was fuming.

"She can do whatever she wants, I'm clearly in no place to stop her. Will you find Rose and make sure her and the baby are okay?" Might as well add insult to injury and deal with both right now when he could read her face for how she was feeling.

"Of course, I'll find her right now. Just relax and try not to make Winry cry Brother." Fair enough statement, all things considered. He nodded stiffly in response but then spoke again.

"Hey Al, you should really get your nose checked out too." Alphonse copied his stiff nod and walked over to his fiancé and exchanged a few words before he saw her making her way over to him. Tensing, he prepared himself for what was sure to be the most painful thing he would experience that day.


	13. Chapter 13

**Relations, in direct competition...**

**Domination.**

**The players, disguised as the lovers.**

**The best friend.**

**A game of who needs who the worst.**

**...**

**A secret..**

**But you couldn't keep it so secret.**

**Relations, without hesitation.**

**Or social tact.**

**And as it occurred, it occurred to me...**

**Who needs who?**

**Who needs who?**

**Cursive - 'A Game of Who Needs Who the Worst'**

* * *

 

Making his way around the room, Alphonse looked for the strange pink colored bangs of their friend Rose. Now that he thought about it, he should have stayed with her when she was carried in since his brother wasn't able to. Finally he saw her in the corner, lying motionless. No one was standing by her, but her head wound was dressed. Checking over her, he looked for signs that she had been hurt anywhere else, seeing nothing of consequence that could have hurt the baby. His only worry was just her state of unconsciousness. Looking over to the area he had just left, his eyes passed over Winry who was already working on dismantling Ed's automail leg with an unhappy face. He hoped that his brother wasn't taking out his anger on her, she didn't need any more emotional turmoil right now. Thinking of the baby, he turned his attention back to the woman in front of him.

Rose had put on a little bit of weight since he had seen her years ago, but still not much, her and Ed had gotten lucky. Reaching out with his sense of Chi, he attempted to find the growing soul within their friend and felt... nothing but the glow of Rose's. Stepping closer he laid his hands over her belly thinking maybe her injury could somehow be interfering with his connection. Closing his eyes in concentration, he felt again only the presence of one soul. Singular. Brow puckering in confusion, he lifted the sheet that was covering her lower half with a small blush for how this must appear to onlookers. Maybe there was an injury he hadn't seen upon glancing at her before. Just as before he noticed no bandages, only unmarked skin. Covering her back up, he took a cautious step backwards, as he allowed this information to process.

She wasn't pregnant. Winry was only around a month along and he had been able to feel the new life as plainly as any other person. What the hell was going on here? Stealing another look at Winry and Edward, he grimaced taking in their strained interaction. A small sound pulled his attention back to the woman in front of him.

"Ed?" Her eyesight must still be blurry from the blow to the head she had taken.

"No, it's Alphonse, his little brother." Falling into a dazed silence, he didn't even know how to bring up the subject that was necessary. Deciding to begin with a run down on the events of the day, he asked her if she knew what had happened to put her there and how she was feeling. He listened to her replies and answered her questions allowing her time to adjust before he brought up the question eating away at him.

"Rose, I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me. What happened to the baby? I know you aren't pregnant right now." Eyes widening in fear, Rose looked horrified by his bluntness. Waiting to see if she would answer, he tried to keep his face neutral so that she wouldn't feel like he was judging her. After a minute had passed with no response he spoke again, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad or uncomfortable, but we need to talk about this." Her eyes went glassy with tears as she shakily began to explain.

"I lost the baby when Ed went for repairs on his automail..." Covering her face with her hands she continued. "I have lost everything I ever cared about I just didn't want to lose him either. I'm so tired of being alone and it seems like everyone I touch dies. Of course you know that my boyfriend had passed away when I met you, but this was my second miscarriage. I have been beaten and raped and the night Ed found me in the bar I was going to kill myself because I couldn't take it anymore." Rose's hands trembled fiercely and Alphonse couldn't stop the overwhelming need to comfort this broken woman. After hearing of her rape he almost didn't know if he should touch her but still he pulled he into his arms, giving her his shoulder. "Ed didn't sleep with me, Al. I was carrying someone else's child, though I didn't know that at the time when he tried to help me. And for his help, I gave him some painkillers to loosen him up to being intimate with me, because I thought that deep down he wanted me but was just too inexperienced with women. Then when he passed out from them and woke up naked beside me, I made him believe that we had made love. When I found out that I was with child, I figured if it was his baby he would stand by my side. I don't know what I was thinking, I was out of my mind with loneliness and grief. I'm a terrible person and I will burn for my wrongdoings." Al was stunned. He didn't even know what to say. Carefully he pulled back so he could look at her. After a moment, her watery eyes met his and what she said next left him reeling. "I know I have no right to ask you this, but please, please can you not tell him anything we just discussed. At least not yet." He didn't even know what to say to her request, it was so ridiculous. Everything she had just told him was so crazy that if he wasn't indirectly part of the strange affair, he would think she made it up. Of course he had to tell Ed what she had just told him. There was no way he could let Ed or Winry continue a moment longer believing that he would have to wed a woman he had no love for.

Just then a flurry of motion caught his attention, Winry was hastily retreating away from Ed with a mixture of anger, confusion and sadness warring for a prominent place on her face. Turning back to look for something, she let her eyes quickly slide over the room until her sapphire blues met his and the look she gave him stilled his very core. She was absolutely perfect. Covered in what looked like oil, hair haphazardly falling out of her ponytail and into her face, she carried herself with purpose as she walked out the door. Even if he was just experiencing the afterglow of her time with his brother, he was utterly entranced by her.

And then for one moment, he had a horrible thought, the kind that makes you truly disgusted with yourself. If he didn't tell them what Rose had just said, he would still be marrying this woman, his oldest friend. This was certainly the most selfish thing he had ever paused to consider, it would make him no better than the sick woman in front of him and he would have no excuse to wield as she did. At least for her, he could almost comprehend her skewed logic given everything she had been through. For him, it would be a gross injustice to his love for his brother and respect for Winry's feelings. However if he was honest with himself, he knew he had developed real physical and emotional feelings for his childhood friend. Feelings that he had no right to, and that he would never have considered if not for this mess of a situation. But in fairness to him, after years of being unable to feel or make connections with people didn't that entitle him even marginally, to a chance at happiness? Yes, he had every right to happiness but not at the cost of those he loved, at least without giving them a chance to decide what they wanted knowing all of the facts. Shaking his head to clear the bitter and twisted thoughts, he knew what he had to do as he turned to Rose with his answer.


	14. Chapter 14

**Words scattered so carelessly upon loose lips.**

**Begging for a place to bed down.**

**Where disappointment breeds hostility.**

**And what ifs keep heavy lives afloat.**

**It could have been so different.**

**I could have been so different.**

**What will make a difference?**

**Words better left spoken into the wind.**

**For once heard can never be unsaid again.**

**\- JKB**

* * *

 

As Winry walked steadily towards him, her cautious, blue gaze locked with his angry golden one. For a moment, he was caught up in the knowledge that she was carrying his baby and how beautiful she looked, but then quickly remembered her farce of an 'engagement' to his little brother and began to seethe visibly. Seeing his defensive expression, she steeled her own into an icy glare as well. In fairness, she had every right to beat him senseless. On top of him leaving her once because of his mistakes, he had left her a second time and in a far more precarious position with the life that he helped create, growing inside her even now. However, even being able to logically acknowledge these facts didn't change the clear animosity he held regarding the proposal she had accepted. The problem wasn't with the choice in man not meeting his standards, Alphonse was his most cherished connection apart from her and would make an ideal father and husband. The issue was that as much sense as it made, he literally felt torn in half by his love for both of them and his hate for the fact that Alphonse, his own brother, would soon be doing all of the things that he could not with the one other person that meant the world to him.

Not even bothering to speak to him, her hands were on him instantly, gently running over his skin checking for wounds that weren't as blatantly obvious. Her touch sent a thrumming tension throughout his entire body, as an immense duality of feelings blossomed inside of him. Deciding he should probably say something, he broke the strained silence between them.

"Just couldn't wait to get your hands on me so soon after saying yes to marrying my little brother?" Bitter humor coloring his voice, he lifted his honeyed eyes to hers so he could take in her reaction. Instead of her withering at his snide comment, he was treated to his own dose of reality.

"Oh, no I'm merely fixing you up without you fucking me over before you leave this time." She continued working as if she had commented on the weather and not verbally lacerated him.

"Well I'll be sure to leave an address so you can send me an invitation to the wedding." He tossed back facetiously, with a challenging glint in his eyes.

"I didn't think a man that went around knocking women up like the repopulation of the human race depended on him, would have a permanent forwarding address." Cheerily replying without missing a beat, Winry appeared almost smug with her witty comeback. Squeezing harder than necessary, she continued to move him around to better suit herself.

"What color wedding dress do you have picked out? Certainly not white I imagine..." For an instant her face puckered in pain, but she quickly wiped all traces of it from her features as if it never was. Surprising him with her concisely controlled restraint on her emotions, he wanted to pick a fight with her, he wanted her to scream and throw wrenches. He wanted to take her right then and there, angrily, and wipe any trace there could be of his brother from her. However, since he couldn't do what he wanted he would settle for making her as upset and betrayed as he felt. An internal voice reasoned with him momentarily, that he could hardly talk about disloyalty considering everything that he had done to her, but was quickly silenced at the new image that assaulted him of Al and her exchanging vows that nearly brought stinging tears to his eyes. He was jealous, and he wanted to argue about it. Ed wanted to see her as visibly distressed as he felt. Anything would be better than these subdued digs she was tossing at him. "I mean I was assuming with as fast as you jumped into the engagement, you would already have a simple detail like the color of your dress decided." He was being an ass, he knew it and yet he couldn't stop the bile from tumbling out of his mouth. If he were on honest with himself, he knew he simply wanted her to react to him and tell him why Alphonse. In reality, if he thought about it, what other option was there for her? To be pushed out of a profession she had poured her passion into just because he had fucked everything up...No. However that fact still wasn't enough to extinguish the flame of hurt, covered by anger in his heart. From her next words, he could see that she was going to give as good as she took.

"Maybe I'll just wear this, and we'll go today saving him and I the trouble so we can get right to the honeymoon." Cringing inwardly as he suddenly had another visual of Winry trussed up in her work clothes by his younger brother amidst heated passion, a growl of anger audibly rose from his throat. As she finished the makeshift repair to his leg, she taped the front panel with medical tape before beginning to wrap the sensitive skin between the flesh of his thigh and his automail port with gauze as well. "This is only a temporary fix, to a long term problem if you don't address it soon." Gesturing to the visible damage caused by the pulling of his leg from his port, apparently she had shifted out of shit talking mode and into work professional without him seeing the transition. Though he did entertain the fact that the advice she had given him could be applied to more than one thing. Clearly she was preparing to make her exit, when he wasn't nearly done speaking his peace. Reaching out to her to gain her retreating attention, his eyes followed where hers had just been settled. On Alphonse.

"Do tell me Win, just how long did it take between him and I for you two to realize your feelings towards each other? Or were they there all along, and the baby is his to begin with?" Ed regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, and even more so upon catching the broken look that flitted across her delicate features. Pulling forcefully from his hold, she passed her hand over her stomach almost reflexively as if trying to comfort the child inside. Slipping her hand past her belly to cover her mouth, she stepped away from him with glassy eyes. Watching her leave, she turned only once to look for someone or something but as her eyes found their mark, a truly heart wrenchingly lovely expression passed through the tears that fell down her cheeks before she walked out.

Beginning to stand, he paused to see just how much he would have to favor his natural leg. She really was the best because he could hardly feel more than slight discomfort. Sighing, he raked a hand over his face as he realized just what a dick he had been to her. He was the same old selfish and immature idiot. As he straightened his clothes as best as he could, he caught Rose practically running from the room in his peripheral vision without a glance in his direction. What the hell was going on now? Then he saw Alphonse slowly make his way over to where he stood ready to leave. There was a strange, weary kind of tormented light in his eyes as if he was about to say something that would drastically change everything. Edward had never known where he got these gut feelings from, but he was almost always spot on with them, also he could surmise from his brother's appearance that something was off. Standing awkwardly mute in front of him, Al was looking anywhere but into his eyes.

"Brother..." The younger Elric began only to trail off. "Why did Winry leave?" Apparently he was going to follow in his elder sibling's steps by putting off the deeper issue momentarily.

Being reminded of his previous ire, he also treated Al to a bit of it. "I said something she didn't like." Shifting his weight back and forth, nervously Alphonse responded distractedly.

"Oh." Clearly he wasn't paying attention or Ed would be receiving a verbal lambasting by now on the proper treatment of a lady. Quickly, some of his fiery anger dissipated as something akin to worry replaced it.

"Alphonse." He said loudly to gain Al's full attention. "What is going on? Why are you so anxious? Why did Rose all but run out of here?" Finally their golden pairs of eyes met, as unspoken questions and answers flashed between them.

"Ed, I was hoping I wouldn't have to be the one to explain this to you, but it seems as though I need to tell you something very important and insane, but it is vital that you do not freak out." A bubble of anxiety began to quicken within his veins, as he nodded in agreement to the terms. "Brother, Rose is -" What sounded like another building shifting and crumbling cut him off, and then an anguished, feminine scream pierced the air, causing them both to look where the sound had originated across the street. Cursing to himself, Ed and Al took off without any further discussion to Rose's apartment.


	15. Chapter 15

**A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage**

**You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink**

**You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections**

**So tell me now, where was my fault**

**In loving you with my whole heart**

**Oh tell me now, where was my fault**

**In loving you with my whole heart**

**Mumford and Sons - 'White Blank Page'**

* * *

 

When Alphonse had left to go find HIM, Winry had decided to go for a walk to clear her overactive mind. Unfortunately, while walking through Liore all she could think about was that every woman she saw could be the one that HE was having a baby with. She actually found herself uncharacteristically scowling at nearly everyone. Sighing wistfully, she sat down on a bench by a large church up the street from the inn they were staying in, and unthinkingly caressed her stomach. It was pitiful that she hadn't even made it a block away before becoming sullen about things she couldn't change. She tried to push the honey eyed man from her heart and soul, but even refusing to think his name was wearing on her tumultuous nerves. The last couple of days, she had been a mess trying not to let on to Al just how much of a wreck she really was inside, but was afraid the cracks were starting to show in her 'calm' facade.

Shaking her head, she tried to turn her thoughts to happier things, like what to name the baby when it came. Having a couple in mind for a girl, and none for a boy, she wondered if maybe she should let Alphonse choose if it were a boy. That would make him happy to be included in something so permanent, and if he was going to be a husband to her and father to the child, it seemed only right that he get a hand in the choice. Al was her North Star, always remaining steadfast and true. When nothing else made sense, all she had to do was turn to him and he would guide her. A small smile lit her face at the memory of the first time she got to see him in the flesh in many years. Just watching him enjoy her apple pie had been one of the best moments of her life, because he took happiness in every minute detail, when most tended to overlook or outright ignore the small things in life. Being around him just made her stop and be grateful for many things she had taken for granted.

A stir of commotion up the street brought her back into the here and now as she tried to see what the man was doing with his palms on the ground. Vaguely, it seemed a familiar action and as the blue glow engulfed him, she knew he was practicing Alchemy. For a second she was saddened by sight of it, thinking of how the elder Elric had sacrificed his lifelong talent in return for Al's body. Everything he knew and had built his life on, gone. However, after watching a bit longer she could tell by the man's look of complete horror that something was desperately wrong. When she finally saw what he was attempting to fix begin to become weaker and ripple outward, she stood motionless reflecting his expression, as he began to alert passersby to the imminent danger. People began scattering as the building started to fall, decimating the homes and businesses within it's radius, then heavily damaging even some places that looked to be out of the destruction path.

After another second she began to hear screams from people who had been trapped in those buildings, and without noticing, she had begun running in the direction of their cries. Already a large group of community members were gathering to help their neighbors and friends. She heard a tall, brunette man yell to get medical supplies from the church infirmary. Yelling above the pitch of frenzied action, Winry got the man's attention and told him she could help the injured people they found. Sternly, the grave eyed man assessed her, obviously only seeing a fairly slender, young woman as he raised an eyebrow in question to her qualifications. She quickly relayed that she was an automail mechanic with an extensive medical background and he nodded in the direction of the church, thanking her to her surprise.

Upon entering the massive, grey stone worship hall, she saw three men busy setting up a few cots and more tables. Looking around, she found a woman carrying a large, black medical bag and other various supplies. Briskly walking to her, Winry began helping her sort through the meager findings.

* * *

A while later, they had begun receiving the injured people and Winry had kept up a breakneck pace in hopes of helping as many of the patients as she could. Just then a new woman was carried in, she was unconscious and had a bleeding gash on her head. At first she was confused thinking something worse had happened to her, but apparently her blood soaked, pink bangs were deceptively misleading. Rushing to her side, Winry applied pressure to the wound with a clean gauze while she cleaned around the cut. Once it was swabbed of dirt and debris, she wrapped the bandage with a thin towel to keep her wound from bleeding as easily. She then checked the pretty,medium skinned woman over for any marks or abrasions to be concerned about, finding none. Her assessment complete, she began to search for more patients when she heard HIM.

Turning to better see where his angry voice had come from, she spotted Alphonse setting down the cursing, injured, ill-tempered man. The last time she had seen him, was before he left her the second time, pregnant. She wondered if Alphonse had even told him that information yet, or the fact that they were going to get married. More than that, she wondered how he had reacted if Al did tell him. In her heart, she didn't wish him unhappiness, but at the same time she hoped that he howled with jealous anger at the news. Maybe not anger, but regret, she wanted him to feel as miserable without her as she felt without him. Noticing her fiance searching the room for help, she called his name and ran to him, throwing her arms around him in relief that everyone was okay...well almost okay. Looking at his face, she now saw streaks of blood that began at his nose and worked their way down to the middle of his torso, also his eyes were both beginning to blacken. Instantly her hands were on him, checking to see if there was any other injuries that she hadn't seen. Taking her hands in his, Alphonse attempted to reassure her that he was fine.

"Honestly Winry, I just have a broken nose, and that wasn't from the collapse of the building, that was from Ed." Jaw dropping with an almost audible pop, Winry was shocked. She never would have thought that he would lay a hand, and certainly not a fist, on his little brother. Immediately she felt guilty, like the lowest of scum. What was wrong with her? She should not be dragging Al into their mess of a situation, she had made her choices, even if they were the wrong ones, and she should be the one to deal with them, even if that meant dealing with the consequences on her own. Tears began to fill her eyes at the sight of his battered face. Without realizing it, her hands went to his face, cupping it lightly.

"Oh, Alphonse! I'm so sorry! This is all my fault...shit...how many times did he hit you?" As she turned his face from side to side, looking at it from different angles, anger was starting to course through her, at the damage to his beautiful, selfless face.

"Only once, but once was enough for a lifetime. Don't be upset Winry, I could tell it was just a reflex to the news. Brother felt guilty as soon as he did it." Always trying to be the good guy, there he was with a broken fucking nose, standing up for his stubborn, loud mouthed, arrogant, IDIOT brother! She was going take off the bolts of his leg, tear it apart herself and beat him with it while he was unable to escape! Wiping her eyes, she tried to play off her anger so that Al wouldn't stop her from speaking with him.

"I would like to go check on him, will you ask him if it's okay?" Nodding his head, Al headed in the direction of his older brother. Watching the brothers talk, she saw him look surreptitiously to her, as if trying to gauge from a safe distance what to expect when she came over. Seeing him stiffly agree to be checked out, she waited for Alphonse to return to her and give her the go ahead. He let her know he was going to check on HIS fiance and the baby she carried, which quickly set her heart to racing. She was here, in this very room with her. But if she was here that meant she had been hurt, while she would never like the woman simply for being the one to marry him, she did hope that they were not badly harmed. Trying to do a mental checklist of all the woman she helped, Winry tried to remember if any of them had been pregnant or stood out, but couldn't think of any. She would have to watch and see who Alphonse went to. Just the thought of all of them being so oddly entangled with each other's lives while in the same room set her arm hairs on end.

As she approached him warily, she noticed his guarded features and felt herself go frigid on the outside to this man. This man whose baby she now carried, this man whose brother she would marry. The worst part about everything was that even though she wanted to hate him and make him feel as bitter as did, she couldn't because she loved him. Even now, while his fiercely animal like golden gaze penetrated her to the core with the accusations she saw flashing wildly behind them, she loved him.

Taking a breath, she decided not speaking while applying first aid to his hard body would be the best solution, though doubted his silence would last long. She hated that she couldn't stop the shiver of excitement that ran just under her skin at merely touching him, like she had a thousand times. She hated that the smell of him sweaty and bloody was strangely arousing to her. She hated that all she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her and press his roughened mouth against hers passionately. Unfortunately for her happy musings and also her nearly forgotten temper, he opened his mouth and did what he did best. Pissed her off.

"Just couldn't wait to get your hands on me so soon after saying yes to marrying my little brother?" Pretending that she wasn't fazed by his biting comment, she simply tossed back a snide one of her own while keeping her eyes pointed fixedly down at what she was doing.

"Oh, no I'm merely fixing you up without you fucking me over before you leave this time." She tried to say it without a hint of the pain that was actually attached to the statement.

"Well I'll be sure to leave an address so you can send me an invitation to the wedding." Her head snapped up in abject irritation to meet his equally challenging smirk, making her want to slap the smugness out of him. Plastering on a smile she delivered her next words.

"I didn't think a man that went around knocking women up like the repopulation of the human race depended on him, would have a permanent forwarding address." HA! She was so proud of herself for delivering the line in an almost sing song voice, despite her barely bridled anger and sadness.

"What color wedding dress do you have picked out? Certainly not white I imagine..." The malice laced in his words wiped every trace of false bravado she had been clinging to as her face fell and began to tighten with the threat tears. She would not cry in front of this man, ever again no matter how hard it was to swallow the degradation she felt over the truth to his well chosen remark. Leveling her gaze with his, she pulled a mask of indifference together, blessedly. "I mean I was assuming with as fast as you jumped into the engagement, you would already have a simple detail like the color of your dress decided." Like he had any room to talk. Wasn't it him who had come home and told her that he was getting married and had a child on the way? At least she had known Al her whole life. Remembering what she was supposed to be fuming over, the damage he had done to Al's nose, she quipped another reply that for a moment she was actually beginning to think about.

"Maybe I'll just wear this, and we'll go today saving him and I the trouble so we can get right to the honeymoon." Hearing a feral growl come from the affronted man, she was at least slightly happy to receive a real reaction from him finally. Now that she thought of the idea, she half considered the merit to the idea. In fairness, getting married at a courthouse would be practical and far more cost efficient. She frowned internally that those would be the upsides to her wedding. Practical and cost efficient. Never in a million years did she think those would be words associated with what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Finishing with wrapping his automail in tape and gauze, she fell into a very normal statement for such an irregular conversation. "This is only a temporary fix, to a long term problem if you don't address it soon." Finally she looked to find where Alphonse had went, and to see if she was able to spot the woman that would bind herself to the man she always wanted. Catching sight of the strange, pink haired woman that she had just tended to, her stomach dropped in unease. There she was. The other woman. Actually if she thought about it, now SHE was the other woman. The idea stung, almost as bad as the bile he had been spouting at her since she walked over to him. As she was getting ready to leave, his hand reached out for her arm, stopping her cold. Would he tell her how he was really feeling without all the bullshit?

"Do tell me Win, just how long did it take between him and I for you two to realize your feelings towards each other? Or were they there all along, and the baby is his to begin with?" She was floored and knew she was wearing it plainly on her face. Slipping her hand down to her belly, she gently caressed the unknowing child in comfort to soothe the harsh words that had just been spoken. Not even being able to try and hide the agony she was feeling, she quickly turned away from him. 'I will not cry' looping over and over in her head as made her retreat from the former alchemist. Remembering Al at the last second, she turned his direction and luckily found him glancing back at her. Winry gave him a look that she hoped showed him how much she appreciated him, instead of how miserable she was that his brother was what her Granny always referred to as, 'someone who was just passing through' while she left the church.

Standing outside in fresh air, Winry closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying desperately to calm her turbulent emotions. Upon opening them however, she noticed the woman with the odd hair, his fiance practically running from the church. At first she made no move to do anything considering their awkward situation and lack of introduction, but Winry watched her sprint half crazed into one of the homes that had been damaged in the accident. Without even wanting to or being able to stop herself, she called out to the frantic woman.

"Hey! Stop! That house isn't safe!" Even though the woman appeared small, she was many more months along than she was and it would be dangerous for her to be in the now dilapidated building. However the woman paid no heed as she entered without care. Following close behind, Winry wondered what had made her so upset. Coming through the doorway, she realized just how true her yelled warning was, even though it was clear some structural Alchemy had been used to fix the front of the building, it was haphazard at best. Carefully trying to find her footing amidst the splintered boards of the flooring and low hanging ceilings that were barely able to be called that, she made her way after the brunette.

When she did find her, she noticed that the woman, Rose, she recalled vaguely, was half upstairs in her apartment and now after the colliding of the beams, half downstairs. She was facing away from Winry, holding something in her hands for dear life. As she turned, Winry noticed the item was a gun and she was now pointing it at herself, finger hooked around the trigger.

"Hey! Look I don't know you, and I don't know what is going on, but whatever you are thinking everything will be alright!" Her pupils were dilated and she looked crazed, whatever had happened she was clearly suffering a psychotic episode. Attempting to step closer to take the weapon, she kept talking. "My name is Winry, I just want to talk to you." Taking another step forward, the woman's eyes followed her every motion with suspicion. "Aren't you-" Cringing she continued, "Ed's fiance?" She was surprised she managed to squeak out his name. The expression on her face changed from deranged confusion to complete desolation.

"Not much longer, I'm so lonely. Always alone." Finally she had gotten her to speak, now she just had to keep her talking while she inched ahead. Hearing the sorrow and loss in her voice, Winry began to feel sorry for the misplaced jealousy and anger she had felt about this no longer faceless girl.

"I'm positive that if you put the gun down, whatever happened between you two can be figured out. He won't leave you, so don't leave him. He has lost enough people and I know how important you are to him. Your name is Rose right?" Thank goodness he had told her all those months ago, and that she remembered it a minute ago. She was so close to her now, and the gun had already begun to droop away from her head towards the ground, when Winry's foot missed the stability of the board that she was looking for and the right side of her lower body collapsed into the deteriorating flooring. This would have been painful but fine, if the sound hadn't scared Rose into firing the gun towards the ceiling where the main support beam had already been compromised. Seeing the upper floor begin to crumble under it's own weight and fall in the direction of them both, Winry pushed Rose out of the way as best as she could with just one side for leverage and then cover her stomach while she braced for the impact. The blow was crushing and right as her eyesight became blood soaked and began to go dark, the sound she carried with her into unconsciousness was that of the woman's terrified scream.


	16. Chapter 16

**Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger**

**And I realize that empty words are not enough**

**I'm left here with the question of just**

**What have I to show except the promises I never kept?**

**I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets**

  
**And** **I hope that I will never let you down**   


**Thrice - 'The Artist in the Ambulance'**

* * *

 

Pumping his leg muscles as fast as they would go, Ed and Al ran up the small set of stairs leading to the house. As they entered, his heart was beating erratically and he was less than cautiously making his way back to where he had found Rose earlier. Hearing the sound of loud crying, he rounded the corner and found Rose curled up in ball, wailing with a gun in her hand next to a crumbled mess of what used to be the second floor. At first all he could process was the weapon in her hand, and then wonder what had upset her so much that she would go back to the demolished home, but then a shining blond strand abruptly caught his eye. Dropping to his knees, he then knew exactly what had brought the woman to tears. He couldn't even see Winry under all the debris! She was almost completely covered with what used to be the ceiling, and something red that he refused to acknowledge as blood. Calling to Al to help transmute the area, he began feverishly pulling chunks of wood and plaster off of Winry. Getting closer to uncovering her body, tears began running down his cheeks as he tremulously found her face. She had lacerations and abrasions littering every visible part of her. Taking her gently into his arms, he rocked her while screaming for help.

"Rose, go get help right now. Brother, I can close her wounds with Alkahestry, let me have her." Not wanting to stop holding her, he grudgingly ceded her to Alphonse though never taking his eyes off of her limp form. While Al slowly closed the worst of the damage, he still didn't know if it would be enough. Slipping his fingers onto her soft wrist, he checked for a pulse. After a moment, he finally found a dull thud, pumping a stuttered rhythm. Lowering his head to her battered forehead, he prayed to an entity he didn't believe in, or would take any entity listening, to save her. Just to let her be okay. Even if she didn't love him anymore, even if she never wanted to see him again for all of the awful things he had just said to her, he would deal with it somehow, if she would just be alright. His previously quiet tears had turned into resonant sobs as he kissed her cheeks over and over willing her to wake up. If she didn't regain consciousness he didn't even want to think about what he would do. This was all his fault. If he would have just treated her decently while she took care of him, like normal, she wouldn't have left the church and wouldn't be covered in blood, barely breathing. OH GOD, THE BABY! Turning to Al, he pleaded with him to make sure the baby was also alive. Not that he was sure he could handle it if their child wasn't.

Stepping hesitantly forward to Winry again, Al looked to be in deep concentration as he searched for the life within her. Trying to see his little brother's expression through his watery eyes was nearly impossible. After a few seconds of agony, Al let him know that the baby was indeed still living. Silently Edward gave thanks for this news. A group of people came in to take Winry safely out, without moving her more than was necessary, and he had already moved her too much with his grief. Looking up to Alphonse, he saw a reflection of what he felt in his green gold eyes. Al helped him to his feet and they followed their childhood friend out, as she was carried to medical attention.

Upon stepping in the church, a nurse that had just been recently bandaged herself took Winry out of sight for treatment. This made Edward very uneasy as most of the other patients had just been in the main fellowship area. He began pacing anxiously as they waited for information on her well being. Al finally told him to sit down because he was making him more nervous than he already was. Just the fact that Al seemed so distressed made him want to run to where they had taken her and kick the fucking door in. Catching a glimpse of pink to his side, he noticed Rose had taken a seat next to where he had crouched with his head between his hands. Honestly, he was not in the mood to placate her right now. Hearing a sharp intake of breath to his right, he lifted his eyes in irritation at her mouth beginning to form words.

"Ed, I need to tell you something important." What could possibly be more important than knowing how Winry was doing right now? Wiping his eyes, he frowned deeply at her. At her sentence, Al appeared visibly tense which made him minutely curious.

"And what is that Rose?" He couldn't even help how dead his voice sounded, his world was a room over and out of his reach. All he wanted was to be by her side. Was that how Winry had felt all of her life about them? Why hadn't he just stayed with her before and told her his concerns? Was he really that proud that he couldn't be open with the woman he loved more than anything? Rose cleared her throat harshly as she prepared herself to continue.

"I lost the baby, we don't need to get married." Barely being able to stop the smile that crossed his face at the weight of an unwanted union being lifted off of his shoulders, Ed actually had to suppress the relief that would become offensive if he wore it so blatantly. "I know this isn't the best time to even talk about this, but Al gave me the option of either me telling you or him, and I think it's best if I tell you after everything I have done to you." What the hell was she talking about? Raising an amber eyebrow at her in confusion, Ed saw the flicker of hesitancy that passed over her features.

"What do you mean after everything you have done to me?" Surely she wasn't going to try and take responsibility for his actions that led to this cluster fuck of a mess.

"The baby wasn't yours Ed. I am so sorry. I was so lonely and lost that I was going to end everything the night you found me in the bar, but you were so kind to me that I took things too far and made you believe that we were intimate together so you wouldn't leave me." Her words hung in the air between them while he attempted to absorb the meaning to the confession she had just shared with him. Breaking it down one letter at a time almost, he pieced together the statement and then grew remarkably cold. She had lied to him. Not only that, but she had ruined his chance at a happy life with Winry. HOW THE FUCK could she have put him through that? They were at one time friends, and you didn't do that to your friends no matter how desperate you were. Standing up swiftly, Ed moved to put as much space between them as possible before he said or did something unforgivable. As he did this, she grabbed for his arm and in reaction he ripped it from her grasp. Pleadingly she begged him to forgive her and to try and understand why she had done it, but he couldn't. In the time he had been with her, he had given up so much of himself and his dreams for the future, that he had no idea how to respond positively to her pleas. While she cried her apologies, he just turned to look her in the eyes and say one thing.

"You need professional help Rose, and I hope you get it." Turning his back on her, he studiously kept his eyes on the door that separated him from the mother of his child, as Rose left in near hysterics. Shaking his head angrily, he had to let go of that situation for now. Having enough to worry about already, adding bitterness at time lost with his beloved mechanic would do nothing productive. He had been such an ass to her earlier that assuming she was alright, he didn't know if she would even consider listening to the fact that he had been lied to about the child that wasn't his. Or worse, if she would even care that Ed wanted to be there for her and the baby now that he was able to. He had never put her first in all of his life, so how could he expect her to forgive him for his many wrongdoings now?

Looking to his now eerily calm brother, he thought about how much better of a man Alphonse would be for her. Steadfast and pure, Al was as close to perfection as any woman could ask for, and he had been there for Winry when Ed had left her without a word again. Really it would be understandable if she chose to continue on without him, he had brought her nothing but heartache and disappointment.

The doors to the makeshift exam room opened and he held his breath for what seemed like an eternity while waiting for the woman to approach them. Her eyes were weary from exertion and injury but the worry they held set him on edge.

"She is stable for now, though she has lost a lot of blood and is very weak and disoriented. After we get her transferred to a real hospital, she will likely need to be checked out more thoroughly with the contusions she suffered to her head. You may go in now as she is conscious for the moment but-" Not even letting her finish, Ed had already started walking away from the nurse and into the room to see his lifelong friend and lover. As he entered the small, warm space he saw Winry propped up on pillows staring off with unfocused and glazed ocean eyes. When she didn't acknowledge his presence, he crossed to her side and took her hand carefully into his bloodied ones. Startled, she glanced to him as if seeing him for the first time, but with half of her head bandaged he wondered if she would be having difficulty seeing clearly which brother was with her.

"Hey Win, it's me, Ed." He clarified, just in case. Confusion wrinkled her forehead, as she replied confusedly.

"Ed?" Instantly that pit of fear that had been his warning bell for years now, clenched tightly as he just knew something about her answer was drastically wrong.

 


End file.
